NO, YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!
Being an old cocker, the Geezer takes his homburg and hair off to companies like “ Yes You Can.” Their whole purpose is to encourage senior citizens that they are still alive…that they can live positive and productive lives while the company makes mucho dinero. They air commercials where seniors seem to have fun wheeling around in motorized machines while dribbling out of their mouths and wearing diapers. They promise that seniors are helped with these new contraptions that make old age pleasurable and fun. In my opinion that is all bullshit. Old age sucks!
I want to see companies called, “No You Can’t!” And, “Forget About It!” stand up and be heard. Tell the truth – do you want to spend your so-called ‘golden years’ depending on motorized vehicles to allow to you to pee and shit without doing it in your underwear? Let’s face it – when our bodies begin to shut down or defy human inevitability we should be honest? I don’t want to have to depend on a low-rider with racing stripes to help me get my gruel in the morning. If the most important thing in life is to find out which “early-bird specials” are the best buy that day – take your false teeth out, put them in backwards and bite your own throat. I hope this Blog doesn’t sound bitter – it’s not meant to be. Too much is made of ‘the golden years’ – if they are so great how come all old men and women smell like mice? Don’t believe me? Smell ‘em.
The Geezer tries to tell it like it is. Once you are old enough to collect social security here’s what awaits you, bucko. You start having aches and pains in places you never knew you had before. Your body creeks and moans like an old shack in a wind-storm. Farting is about the only exercise you can do well. More importantly, do not believe all the lies about how great sex is in your senior days. Firstly, if a man can get an erection it usually lasts as long as it takes him to take off his underwear. Be honest, guys, if your lady is horny, rips off her clothes and stands before you naked – does the sight of her body, which often looks like an elephant’s ass, turn you on? Ladies: does a flaccid, wet noodle hanging from your man’s crotch excite you? Can you ever see it? Honesty is the best policy – getting old is the pits. It’s not worth getting a ‘senior discount’ at a movie that you don’t want to see, anyway.
There is only one solution as I see it. Wait! Let me put on my bifocals. Ahhhhhh, that’s better. No, it’s not. Early dementia is the best remedy to old age. That way we can think and act like we are teenagers and at least can look forward to pimples and acne.
Fuck it. Where? Who? How?
I want to see companies called, “No You Can’t!” And, “Forget About It!” stand up and be heard. Tell the truth – do you want to spend your so-called ‘golden years’ depending on motorized vehicles to allow to you to pee and shit without doing it in your underwear? Let’s face it – when our bodies begin to shut down or defy human inevitability we should be honest? I don’t want to have to depend on a low-rider with racing stripes to help me get my gruel in the morning. If the most important thing in life is to find out which “early-bird specials” are the best buy that day – take your false teeth out, put them in backwards and bite your own throat. I hope this Blog doesn’t sound bitter – it’s not meant to be. Too much is made of ‘the golden years’ – if they are so great how come all old men and women smell like mice? Don’t believe me? Smell ‘em.
The Geezer tries to tell it like it is. Once you are old enough to collect social security here’s what awaits you, bucko. You start having aches and pains in places you never knew you had before. Your body creeks and moans like an old shack in a wind-storm. Farting is about the only exercise you can do well. More importantly, do not believe all the lies about how great sex is in your senior days. Firstly, if a man can get an erection it usually lasts as long as it takes him to take off his underwear. Be honest, guys, if your lady is horny, rips off her clothes and stands before you naked – does the sight of her body, which often looks like an elephant’s ass, turn you on? Ladies: does a flaccid, wet noodle hanging from your man’s crotch excite you? Can you ever see it? Honesty is the best policy – getting old is the pits. It’s not worth getting a ‘senior discount’ at a movie that you don’t want to see, anyway.
There is only one solution as I see it. Wait! Let me put on my bifocals. Ahhhhhh, that’s better. No, it’s not. Early dementia is the best remedy to old age. That way we can think and act like we are teenagers and at least can look forward to pimples and acne.
Fuck it. Where? Who? How?
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 8:39 AM
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