KISS YOUR GRITS!
I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF MANY SORDID, ILLEGAL ACTIONS BY JEALOUS LOWLIFES. THE ONE THAT HURTS THE MOST IS THE LIE THAT I WAS CHARGED WITH THE CRIME OF SODOMY…WHEN I WAS ALONE. FAMOUS GEEZERS ACCEPT THESE PREVARICATIONS…ITS PART OF CELEBRITY. TAKE POOR PARIS HILTON….PLEASE!!!!!!
I HAVE A RECORD OF BEING ROUGH ON THE SOUTH AND SOUTHERNERS. I DIDN’T WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND DECIDE THAT IT WAS MY LOT IN LIFE TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT MANY OF THE RETARDS LIVING SOUTH OF THE MASON/DIXON LINE. RETARDS IN THE SOUTH ARE AN OXYMORON.
I WAS VERY EXCITED RECENTLY TO HEAR THAT ONCE AGAIN I MISSED THE ANNUAL “REDNECK GAMES” THAT IS HELD IN EAST DUBLIN, GEORGIA. IF YOU HAVEN’T ATTENDED ONE OF THESE CHIC DOOS – CONTESTANTS AFTER YEARS OF SLAVING AWAY, DRINKING BEER TO BUILD THAT PERFECT BODY HAVE PAID OFF. A BIG BEER BELLY IS AN ASSET IN THE REDNECK GAMES…IT GIVES YOU AN EDGE IN THE MUD PIT BELLY FLOP CONTEST. (A WORD OF WARNING – IF YOU EAT THE FRIED ALLIGATOR ON A STICK THAT’S SERVED AT THE FESTIVAL, WAIT HALF AND HOUR BEFORE ENTERING THE CONTEST. IT COULD GET UGLY.) LET’S RECAP: THE REDNECK GAMES HONORS FAT, RENECKS WHO THINK ALLIGATOR ON A STICK IS A GOURMET TREAT.
THE GAMES KICK OFF WITH THE CEREMONIAL LIGHTING OF THE BBQ GRILL BY A PROPANE TORCH PARTIALLY OUT OF BUDWEISER CANS AND PROUDLY HELD BY ‘MISS BEER BELLY’ OF THE YEAR. THE REST OF THE DAY IS DEVOTED TO GRUELING COMPETITION – INCLUDING BOBBING FOR PIG’S FEET; DUMPTSER DIVING, ARMPIT FARTING (A RECENT WINNER PLAYED THE ENTIRE THEME SONG OF “GREEN ACRES.”) AMERICAN IDOL LOOK OUT! A BIG HAIR CONTEST AND THE YEARLY TOBACCO VOMITING CONTEST. TALK ABOUT FUN?
WINNERS OF THE VARIOUS COMPETITIONS WALK AWAY WITH BRAGGING RIGHTS AND A TROPHY OF A CRUSHED (BUT SADLY) BUD LIGHT CAN.
BEFORE YOU START KICKING YOURSELF IN YOUR COVERALLS – HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED IN THIS YEAR’S REDNECK GAMES: REDNECK HORSEHOES (HOPEFULLY WITH THE HORSE STILL WEARING THEM); HUBCAP HURL; MUD PIT BELLY FLOP; ARMPIT SERENADE, BUTT CRACK CEMPETITION….AND ON AND ON.
FRIENDS, ANY OF YOU WHO THOUGHT ME TOO ROUGH ON THE SOUTH OWE ME BIG TIME. KISS MY GRITS!
I HAVE A RECORD OF BEING ROUGH ON THE SOUTH AND SOUTHERNERS. I DIDN’T WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND DECIDE THAT IT WAS MY LOT IN LIFE TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT MANY OF THE RETARDS LIVING SOUTH OF THE MASON/DIXON LINE. RETARDS IN THE SOUTH ARE AN OXYMORON.
I WAS VERY EXCITED RECENTLY TO HEAR THAT ONCE AGAIN I MISSED THE ANNUAL “REDNECK GAMES” THAT IS HELD IN EAST DUBLIN, GEORGIA. IF YOU HAVEN’T ATTENDED ONE OF THESE CHIC DOOS – CONTESTANTS AFTER YEARS OF SLAVING AWAY, DRINKING BEER TO BUILD THAT PERFECT BODY HAVE PAID OFF. A BIG BEER BELLY IS AN ASSET IN THE REDNECK GAMES…IT GIVES YOU AN EDGE IN THE MUD PIT BELLY FLOP CONTEST. (A WORD OF WARNING – IF YOU EAT THE FRIED ALLIGATOR ON A STICK THAT’S SERVED AT THE FESTIVAL, WAIT HALF AND HOUR BEFORE ENTERING THE CONTEST. IT COULD GET UGLY.) LET’S RECAP: THE REDNECK GAMES HONORS FAT, RENECKS WHO THINK ALLIGATOR ON A STICK IS A GOURMET TREAT.
THE GAMES KICK OFF WITH THE CEREMONIAL LIGHTING OF THE BBQ GRILL BY A PROPANE TORCH PARTIALLY OUT OF BUDWEISER CANS AND PROUDLY HELD BY ‘MISS BEER BELLY’ OF THE YEAR. THE REST OF THE DAY IS DEVOTED TO GRUELING COMPETITION – INCLUDING BOBBING FOR PIG’S FEET; DUMPTSER DIVING, ARMPIT FARTING (A RECENT WINNER PLAYED THE ENTIRE THEME SONG OF “GREEN ACRES.”) AMERICAN IDOL LOOK OUT! A BIG HAIR CONTEST AND THE YEARLY TOBACCO VOMITING CONTEST. TALK ABOUT FUN?
WINNERS OF THE VARIOUS COMPETITIONS WALK AWAY WITH BRAGGING RIGHTS AND A TROPHY OF A CRUSHED (BUT SADLY) BUD LIGHT CAN.
BEFORE YOU START KICKING YOURSELF IN YOUR COVERALLS – HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED IN THIS YEAR’S REDNECK GAMES: REDNECK HORSEHOES (HOPEFULLY WITH THE HORSE STILL WEARING THEM); HUBCAP HURL; MUD PIT BELLY FLOP; ARMPIT SERENADE, BUTT CRACK CEMPETITION….AND ON AND ON.
FRIENDS, ANY OF YOU WHO THOUGHT ME TOO ROUGH ON THE SOUTH OWE ME BIG TIME. KISS MY GRITS!
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 6:15 PM
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