Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A NAME IS A NAME IS A......

Names can be very deceiving. For instance, there was a famous Congressman named, U.S. Grant Washington…talk about a patriotic name….it brings up images of a battleship or aircraft carrier – anyway, he was forced to resign his seat when it was discovered that he double-dated with Leon Trotsky.

“Curly” Hamilton played baseball for the Cleveland Indians, in the early 60s, and was as bald as a billiard ball. He used to wear a hairpiece that looked like he ordered it by dialing: 1-800-toupees.

Why this examination of names? There’s a nice little town in Massachusetts called, Braintree and its citizens have always been proud to say they came from Braintree. Somehow, they felt that if they lived there some of the ‘brain’ in the name might rub off. Not so. The Braintree High School scholar of the year claim to fame was that he could sing the words to “RagMop” in either Yiddish or Urdu.

Do you think the town’s elders were embarrassed by him? Hell, no. You want embarrassed? The Braintree fire department recently decided to test their skills at firefighting. Many fire departments, all over the country, practice using their equipment and manpower to keep sharp in case of emergencies. The local fire engine drove to a vacant house, cut holes in the roof and walls, broke window to practice procedures in case of a major home fire. One problem. They had just destroyed the wrong house. They were supposed to be 2 blocks away at a house slated for demolition.

This mistake is perfectly logical to the Geezer. Sitting next to some Dalmatian, farting in your face could make anyone lose their sense of direction. The owners of the newly torn-up house want the city to pay for the damage. No way! It seems the house had been vacant since an electrical fire last year left a scorch mark up one side. The knee-high grass hadn’t been cut in a month. The owners claim they were planning a renovation on the house. The Braintree fire department’s goof made the renovations easier. Most of the work is already done.