SADDAM IS QUITE A BOYCHICK......

If Saddam Hussein isn’t convicted by Iraq’s courts he can find work easily. It seems old Saddam has become a bearded Dear Abby while in prison. He is happy to dispense advice at the drop of suicide bomber.

It turns out that Saddam may have been a well known plunderer, rapist, pillager and otherwise nogoodnick but he also seems a bright lunatic.
According to the prison guards assigned to watch the former Iraq leader he is friendly, talkative and a “clean freak.” He has learned the names of the soldiers guarding him and has become interested in their lives and often offers fatherly advice. “You gotta find a woman. Not too smart, not too dumb, not too old, not too young. One that can cook and clean.” Dr. Phil couldn’t have said it better.


Saddam loves Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast; hates fruit loops; can devour a large bag of Cheetos or Doritos before you can say Millard Hickenlooper. Its obvious Hussein has a sweet tusk.

Saddam does his own laundry. I wonder if they have soft water in his prison? He washes up constantly and uses diaper wipes to clean his meal trays, utensils and the table before eating. He’s frightened of germs which is more than can be said of his opinion of American forces before they invaded Iraq.

When coalition force tanks began rolling into Baghdad, Saddam went into action. No, he didn’t rush to a jet waiting to spirit him out of the country. He didn’t gather his Presidential Guard and attack. He jumped into a taxi cab. Talk about good planning? He probably got a cab driver, from another country, behind the wheel that didn’t speak Saddamese and had terrible body odor.
Something’s are the same in every country.

In any case, he barely made it to his underground, spider-hole hideout.
He’s still teed-off by the man who told American soldiers were he was hiding. Saddam still can’t believe that the stoolie, who he paid lots of money to, betrayed him. Bribe someone and they still turn on you….like I said, something’s are the same in every country. Saddam likes to compare himself to Jesus. How Judas told on Jesus. “That’s like it was for me. If my Judas never said anything, nobody ever would have found me.” So, this leader of the Axis of Evil would have been happy living in a hole in the ground and eating spider soufflé. Was this putz really that big a threat?

Wouldn’t you love to ask Hussein a couple of questions? Why the hell did you stay in Baghdad instead of taking the billions you had in your piggy bank and fly off to some exotic place and chill for the rest of your life? I’m sure Cleveland would have been happy to have him. Why didn’t you prepare an escape route and hideout? Running away by taking a cab and living in a hole in the ground gives murderous dictators a bad name. Oh, for the good, old days of King Farouk.

He also had some interesting opinions of American leaders. He admired President Reagan, thought Bill Clinton was okay but disliked George H. and George W. Bush. “The Bush father, son, no good.” Sadly, lots of Americans agree with Saddam. He also admires Oprah, Doyle Brunson, Jerry Vale and Pamela Anderson. Who doesn’t?

Saddam has gotten philosophical. He doesn’t hold any hard feelings and he just would like to talk to Bush, to make friends with him. Amen to that. Let’s get George W. and Saddam together to bond. They deserve each other.