SURPRISE..........
Do you like surprises? I mean, most children love to open gaily wrapped gifts on Christmas morning anticipating the surprise they’ll get as they tear at the tissue paper to find out what Santa has brought them. I must confess that as a kid I usually found myself disappointed when faced with that scenario. There was no excitement for me to open twenty-six boxes of pajamas, some with only one leg; a pink cummerbund when I hoped for a mauve seersucker one with Sponge Bob pictures on it; or a left-handed pen and pencil set. Those unhappy experiences caused me to doubt the existence of Santa Claus. If he was such a jolly fellow why didn’t he bring me what I asked for, Kathryn Grayson with her enormous jugs?
Surprises can be dangerous things. How many seniors have had strokes when they open a door and a crowd of hated relatives scream out, “Surprise”? How about the husband who comes home early and finds his wife in bed with a coat tree? The mother who discovers her burly FBI agent son wearing a garter belt, boa, and high heels? The wife who opens her hubby’s e-mail file and finds out he’s been carrying on an obscene, hot correspondence with Dr. Joyce Brothers? Suffice it to say that the best surprise is no surprise at all.
Probably the most unwelcome surprise one can have is dealing with our health. Can you imagine how unsettling it would be to go to your doctor’s office complaining of an ingrown toe-nail and be told that you have a growth in your gall balder the size of an NFL defensive lineman? The poor soul who suffers from heart burn and is told that unless he immediately begins to take a teaspoon of crazy glue every two hours there is no hope for recovery? The older lady who believes she’s suffering from bunions only to find out she has an incurable case of jock itch? When it comes to our health no one looks forward to a surprise unless it’s from a comely nurse who undresses you while tapping your prostate with an eagle feather.
The patient, at the Northern New Jersey Eye Institute in South Orange, wasn’t expecting a surprise when an unplanned, sudden complication occurred during his cataract surgery? Fortunately, for him, Dr. Bernard Spier wasn’t performing the surgery while using a pogo stick. Everything was going along fine when at the end of the cataract procedure a sports utility vehicle rammed into the operating room. How rude, it didn’t even have an appointment.
No one was injured, but Dr. Spier said that if the accident had happened moments earlier, it could have hurt the patient’s eye. I guess so – a Firestone tire running over someone’s eyelid could sting. Spier had removed the cataract and had just used a plunger to implant a silicone lens when the crash threw him onto the partially sedated patient. Fortunately, Dr. Spier was wearing scrubs and not a suit of armor.
The crash happened at 8:37 a.m. Police said Floyd Hunt, Jr., 77 was trying to back his Toyota 4Runner out of a parking space outside the operating room, but failed to put the car into reverse. The front end of the red utility vehicle smashed through a wall and stopped just inches from doctor and patient when its back tires snagged on a curb. Mr. Hunt, Jr., didn’t even yell, “Surprise,” to the open-mouthed operating staff, it sounded more like, “Holy shit!”
Spier and staff took the patient from the room, and pulled Hunt from his Toyota. Obviously, Floyd Hunt needs eye surgery more than the poor guy Spier had just worked on. You don’t need 20-20 to realize “drive” is not “reverse.” Hunt, Jr., made an appointment to have his eyes checked before making a right and driving out of the operating room.
Mr. Hunt sheepishly admitted that he’s never done something like that before while he was behind the wheel of his car although he really enjoyed the experience. His vehicle bent steel beams, buckled the ceiling and damaged a $70,000 ultrasound machine used to remove cataracts. Besides promising to get Automobile insurance one day soon, he allowed that he might also take a few driving lessons…not that he needs them.
Surprise, Floyd, you do!
Surprises can be dangerous things. How many seniors have had strokes when they open a door and a crowd of hated relatives scream out, “Surprise”? How about the husband who comes home early and finds his wife in bed with a coat tree? The mother who discovers her burly FBI agent son wearing a garter belt, boa, and high heels? The wife who opens her hubby’s e-mail file and finds out he’s been carrying on an obscene, hot correspondence with Dr. Joyce Brothers? Suffice it to say that the best surprise is no surprise at all.
Probably the most unwelcome surprise one can have is dealing with our health. Can you imagine how unsettling it would be to go to your doctor’s office complaining of an ingrown toe-nail and be told that you have a growth in your gall balder the size of an NFL defensive lineman? The poor soul who suffers from heart burn and is told that unless he immediately begins to take a teaspoon of crazy glue every two hours there is no hope for recovery? The older lady who believes she’s suffering from bunions only to find out she has an incurable case of jock itch? When it comes to our health no one looks forward to a surprise unless it’s from a comely nurse who undresses you while tapping your prostate with an eagle feather.
The patient, at the Northern New Jersey Eye Institute in South Orange, wasn’t expecting a surprise when an unplanned, sudden complication occurred during his cataract surgery? Fortunately, for him, Dr. Bernard Spier wasn’t performing the surgery while using a pogo stick. Everything was going along fine when at the end of the cataract procedure a sports utility vehicle rammed into the operating room. How rude, it didn’t even have an appointment.
No one was injured, but Dr. Spier said that if the accident had happened moments earlier, it could have hurt the patient’s eye. I guess so – a Firestone tire running over someone’s eyelid could sting. Spier had removed the cataract and had just used a plunger to implant a silicone lens when the crash threw him onto the partially sedated patient. Fortunately, Dr. Spier was wearing scrubs and not a suit of armor.
The crash happened at 8:37 a.m. Police said Floyd Hunt, Jr., 77 was trying to back his Toyota 4Runner out of a parking space outside the operating room, but failed to put the car into reverse. The front end of the red utility vehicle smashed through a wall and stopped just inches from doctor and patient when its back tires snagged on a curb. Mr. Hunt, Jr., didn’t even yell, “Surprise,” to the open-mouthed operating staff, it sounded more like, “Holy shit!”
Spier and staff took the patient from the room, and pulled Hunt from his Toyota. Obviously, Floyd Hunt needs eye surgery more than the poor guy Spier had just worked on. You don’t need 20-20 to realize “drive” is not “reverse.” Hunt, Jr., made an appointment to have his eyes checked before making a right and driving out of the operating room.
Mr. Hunt sheepishly admitted that he’s never done something like that before while he was behind the wheel of his car although he really enjoyed the experience. His vehicle bent steel beams, buckled the ceiling and damaged a $70,000 ultrasound machine used to remove cataracts. Besides promising to get Automobile insurance one day soon, he allowed that he might also take a few driving lessons…not that he needs them.
Surprise, Floyd, you do!
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 5:08 PM
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