EGGHEADS ARE BROKEN.
The Geezer admires smart people. Scientist and educators who spend their entire lives investigating and solving problems. My admiration probably is due to my own stupidity. I’m not being modest – I used to go to elementary school with my cocker spaniel, “Ralph” and “Ralph” graduated while I was left back. In fact he was the commencement speaker at the graduation. A possible excuse is that at age 13 I was holding a pitchfork (don’t ask why) and was hit by lightening. Since that event I haven’t been able to blink my eyes in unison.
Did you ever wonder why the sound that sets your teeth on edge, makes your skin crawl and sends a shiver down your spine is the sound of a fingernail scratching on a blackboard? Most of us wouldn’t think about finding out the cause of that irritating truism. Well, three scientists spent years studying the ‘blackboard’ problem and have finally come up with an answer – the sound’s frequency level. Their research has earned them an Ig Nobel. No, not the Nobel Prize – the Ig Award. This ridiculous annual award given at Harvard University for weird, wacky and sometimes worthless scientific research. The bigger the schmuck the scientist is the bigger is ovation.
Among this year’s winners include a doctor who put his finger on a cure for hiccups; two men who think there is something to the old adage that feet smell like cheese; and researchers who discovered that dung beetles won’t make a beeline into any pile of dung. The dung beetle is particular about the pile of shit they frolic in. Smart eggheads actually waste their time and their school’s research money on projects that men and women wearing straight jackets would find fascinating.
This small event started in 1991 to honor obscure and useless achievements has grown into an international happening. It’s nice to know that the United States isn’t the only country that has brain deprived individuals. The awards are given out by real Nobel laureates. Doesn’t this sound like a show produced by Chuck Barris?
My favorite Ig Award was presented to Dr. Fesmire for his paper called – “ahem.” It’s about the Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage. How the hell does a doctor figure out that the way to end hiccups is by sticking his finger in someone’s bum? Where did he do his research, at gay bars? “It was the treatment of last resort,” said the good doctor. He refused to answer a question about his marriage to the happy patient. The presenter who gave him his award wore rubber gloves. Can you blame him?
Even though you had never heard about the Ig Awards I hope you will look forward to next year’s announcement. The favorite is the scientist who has proven that there never has been a Jewish handyman or auto mechanic.
Did you ever wonder why the sound that sets your teeth on edge, makes your skin crawl and sends a shiver down your spine is the sound of a fingernail scratching on a blackboard? Most of us wouldn’t think about finding out the cause of that irritating truism. Well, three scientists spent years studying the ‘blackboard’ problem and have finally come up with an answer – the sound’s frequency level. Their research has earned them an Ig Nobel. No, not the Nobel Prize – the Ig Award. This ridiculous annual award given at Harvard University for weird, wacky and sometimes worthless scientific research. The bigger the schmuck the scientist is the bigger is ovation.
Among this year’s winners include a doctor who put his finger on a cure for hiccups; two men who think there is something to the old adage that feet smell like cheese; and researchers who discovered that dung beetles won’t make a beeline into any pile of dung. The dung beetle is particular about the pile of shit they frolic in. Smart eggheads actually waste their time and their school’s research money on projects that men and women wearing straight jackets would find fascinating.
This small event started in 1991 to honor obscure and useless achievements has grown into an international happening. It’s nice to know that the United States isn’t the only country that has brain deprived individuals. The awards are given out by real Nobel laureates. Doesn’t this sound like a show produced by Chuck Barris?
My favorite Ig Award was presented to Dr. Fesmire for his paper called – “ahem.” It’s about the Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage. How the hell does a doctor figure out that the way to end hiccups is by sticking his finger in someone’s bum? Where did he do his research, at gay bars? “It was the treatment of last resort,” said the good doctor. He refused to answer a question about his marriage to the happy patient. The presenter who gave him his award wore rubber gloves. Can you blame him?
Even though you had never heard about the Ig Awards I hope you will look forward to next year’s announcement. The favorite is the scientist who has proven that there never has been a Jewish handyman or auto mechanic.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 5:16 PM
<< Home