OUT OF THE CLOSET
There is a lot of nonsense written about homosexuality. Is it a choice? Is it predetermined at birth?
Some people blame environment or family influence for homosexuality. There’s a famous quote in gay circles: “My mother made me a fag.” Another person said, “Will she knit me one?” Whatever the reason, homosexuality has always been part of the human experience. There have been famous historical figures that were known as homos. Michelangelo, Octavo, a famous Visigoth warrior who fought in full make-up and garter belt, Helen of Troy – who smoked cigars and turned the Trojan Horse into a gay bar, Eric the Limp – a Viking general who’s wrist was so loose his hand used to fall off during battle. There are of course, many current famous gay people who proudly proclaim their sexual preferences: Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGenerous, Pewee Herman and the “Mother Hen” himself, Richard Simmons. The Old Geezer believes that people have the right to live any way they want. I, for instance, have been happily cohabitating with shoe tree for years.
The greatest threat to the freedom of sexual choice is the conservative, rightwing evangelicals. If these bigots had their way gay men and women would be tarred and feathered (Simmons would like the feather part) and their eye makeup ruined. They claim the Bible insists that homosexuality is blasphemous and should be condemned. They pound their pop-up bibles as proof. Imagine how embarrassed these holier-than-thou, prejudiced fanatics were when one of there own was caught playing hiding the salami with a male hooker.
The Reverend Ted Haggard, the leader of the Evangelical right had to admit that he had been sexually active with another man. This married father of four resigned in disgrace and asked his flock and other religious leaders for forgiveness. He swore that his affair with this male prostitute was an aberration even though he bought a time share with the dude and was seen wearing Victoria’s Secret undies while together.
He decided to save his reputation by entering a rehab facility, in Arizona. The light in the loafer preacher was so far in the closet, you'd need a bloodhound to find him. This mysterious rehab joint seriously claimed that it specialized in turning homosexuals into heterosexuals while they played shuffle board and got a suntan. I wonder if meals are included?
For those Doubting Thomas’s who are suspicious of this spa/rehab center and its claim to do the impossible hold on to your earrings. In just three weeks the Reverend Ted Haggard skipped out of the place screaming that he was straight again. That his homosexuality was just a phase he went through and he not only couldn’t wait to hump ‘the old lady’ but was going to punch the lights out of the next Hell’s Angel he saw.
I guess miracles do happen. This obviously gay Minister will be welcomed back by his flock, resume his TV ministry and tongue kiss any male hookers he meets. Hallelujah!
Some people blame environment or family influence for homosexuality. There’s a famous quote in gay circles: “My mother made me a fag.” Another person said, “Will she knit me one?” Whatever the reason, homosexuality has always been part of the human experience. There have been famous historical figures that were known as homos. Michelangelo, Octavo, a famous Visigoth warrior who fought in full make-up and garter belt, Helen of Troy – who smoked cigars and turned the Trojan Horse into a gay bar, Eric the Limp – a Viking general who’s wrist was so loose his hand used to fall off during battle. There are of course, many current famous gay people who proudly proclaim their sexual preferences: Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen DeGenerous, Pewee Herman and the “Mother Hen” himself, Richard Simmons. The Old Geezer believes that people have the right to live any way they want. I, for instance, have been happily cohabitating with shoe tree for years.
The greatest threat to the freedom of sexual choice is the conservative, rightwing evangelicals. If these bigots had their way gay men and women would be tarred and feathered (Simmons would like the feather part) and their eye makeup ruined. They claim the Bible insists that homosexuality is blasphemous and should be condemned. They pound their pop-up bibles as proof. Imagine how embarrassed these holier-than-thou, prejudiced fanatics were when one of there own was caught playing hiding the salami with a male hooker.
The Reverend Ted Haggard, the leader of the Evangelical right had to admit that he had been sexually active with another man. This married father of four resigned in disgrace and asked his flock and other religious leaders for forgiveness. He swore that his affair with this male prostitute was an aberration even though he bought a time share with the dude and was seen wearing Victoria’s Secret undies while together.
He decided to save his reputation by entering a rehab facility, in Arizona. The light in the loafer preacher was so far in the closet, you'd need a bloodhound to find him. This mysterious rehab joint seriously claimed that it specialized in turning homosexuals into heterosexuals while they played shuffle board and got a suntan. I wonder if meals are included?
For those Doubting Thomas’s who are suspicious of this spa/rehab center and its claim to do the impossible hold on to your earrings. In just three weeks the Reverend Ted Haggard skipped out of the place screaming that he was straight again. That his homosexuality was just a phase he went through and he not only couldn’t wait to hump ‘the old lady’ but was going to punch the lights out of the next Hell’s Angel he saw.
I guess miracles do happen. This obviously gay Minister will be welcomed back by his flock, resume his TV ministry and tongue kiss any male hookers he meets. Hallelujah!
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 11:53 AM
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