OPEN YOUR BIBLES, DAMN IT!
One of the reasons I decided not to run for Pope is because I'm allergic to incense, have bad knees and look lousy in red. The truth is I don’t think religion gets a bad enough rap. There’s an old joke that religion has killed more people than Jewish cooking. True is true.
As a youth I lived directly across the street from a Catholic church. It was a church founded by the great accordion player, Dick Contino – the church’s name was “Our Lady of Spain.” Okay, okay, I apologize. Seriously, the Geezer did live across from a neighborhood Catholic Church and it influenced me greatly. I even considered becoming a Catholic and studying for the priesthood but I hated Bingo and buggering little boys.
There are, of course, many religions. Some, with many thousands of members and a few smaller Southern congregations consisting of 6 members and 15-snakes. In Vegas, one denomination has a drive-in Church…you confess your sins into the face of a plastic preacher.
The latest headline grabbing pastor worked in Mount Airy, North Carolina. Mount Airy is the place that old, Charlie Weaver and his weird family came from. You remember those funny letters from ‘momma.’ The Weaver clan was normal compared to a local pastor who was just arrested. Member’s of Preacher Jerry Wayne “Dusty” Whitaker’s church say they had no knowledge that he was a convicted felon. They might have gotten a hint that he was a felon when he showed up for his first sermon in handcuffs and leg irons.
It seems the good preacher was accused of brandishing a gun as part of a sermon. I suspect he tried to drive his point home that he expected the congregation to fill up the collection plate. “Empty your damn pockets or you’ll be visiting your maker.” “Dusty” was convicted in Virginia on a conspiracy to distribute cocaine and possession of a firearm during drug trafficking. A great background for a religious leader.
“Dusty’s” excuse was that he wasn’t trying to scare anybody out of their money but that he used parables in his sermons. “I once pretended to be a blind man with a can, glasses and can of coins,” he said. “Why didn’t they arrest me for impersonating a blindy?” It might have been because he didn’t do his ‘Rich Little’ on the pulpit but at the Braille Institute where he was thrown out for sneaking into the ladies’ room.
Ole, “Dusty” will probably move on when he’s out of the slammer. There are plenty of red-neck congregations where he would fit in perfectly. Praise the Lord.
As a youth I lived directly across the street from a Catholic church. It was a church founded by the great accordion player, Dick Contino – the church’s name was “Our Lady of Spain.” Okay, okay, I apologize. Seriously, the Geezer did live across from a neighborhood Catholic Church and it influenced me greatly. I even considered becoming a Catholic and studying for the priesthood but I hated Bingo and buggering little boys.
There are, of course, many religions. Some, with many thousands of members and a few smaller Southern congregations consisting of 6 members and 15-snakes. In Vegas, one denomination has a drive-in Church…you confess your sins into the face of a plastic preacher.
The latest headline grabbing pastor worked in Mount Airy, North Carolina. Mount Airy is the place that old, Charlie Weaver and his weird family came from. You remember those funny letters from ‘momma.’ The Weaver clan was normal compared to a local pastor who was just arrested. Member’s of Preacher Jerry Wayne “Dusty” Whitaker’s church say they had no knowledge that he was a convicted felon. They might have gotten a hint that he was a felon when he showed up for his first sermon in handcuffs and leg irons.
It seems the good preacher was accused of brandishing a gun as part of a sermon. I suspect he tried to drive his point home that he expected the congregation to fill up the collection plate. “Empty your damn pockets or you’ll be visiting your maker.” “Dusty” was convicted in Virginia on a conspiracy to distribute cocaine and possession of a firearm during drug trafficking. A great background for a religious leader.
“Dusty’s” excuse was that he wasn’t trying to scare anybody out of their money but that he used parables in his sermons. “I once pretended to be a blind man with a can, glasses and can of coins,” he said. “Why didn’t they arrest me for impersonating a blindy?” It might have been because he didn’t do his ‘Rich Little’ on the pulpit but at the Braille Institute where he was thrown out for sneaking into the ladies’ room.
Ole, “Dusty” will probably move on when he’s out of the slammer. There are plenty of red-neck congregations where he would fit in perfectly. Praise the Lord.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 9:46 AM
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