ELECTIONS AREN'T.

Everyone knows what the Geezer thinks of politicians. They are some where between a mud beetle and sphincter. I take that back…they’re not even that good. Some smart dude once said, “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.” That about sums it up.

We have just come thorough another election…but just barely. The lies, the stupidity and outright sleaze were enough to make a cannibal into a vegetarian. It seems that there is nothing a candidate won’t do to be elected except tell the truth. They are as shameless as the judges on American Idol.

I thought I’d heard it all when it came to retards running for office. Retards’ running for office is really an oxymoron. A candidate for the gubernatorial election in Idaho – bet you didn’t know that they have a governor in Idaho – I thought Idaho was the place where all the lost socks from a washing machine goes. Hell, the world famous “Idaho potato” is grown in California. Back to my rant:

What in the world could a wannabe politico pull that would cause me to go into uncontrollable spasms and twitches? A strawberry farmer from Boise decided to run for governor and to prove that he was a man of principal he officially and legally changed his name to – ready? – Pro-Life. I am not kidding. Marvin Richardson is so strongly opposed to abortion that he went to court and did the deed. “I’m the most conservative politician in Idaho,” he proudly claimed. No, Marvin, you are the biggest idiot since Barbara Bush decided to have sons.

This certifiable yutz thought that his stand would, in a Western State known as a conservative bedrock, serve him well. “When the sperm meets the egg, that’s a new person,” he declares. How would he know what a sperm does when it meets the egg? It might tip its fedora and buy the egg a cocktail. I’m not sure his ploy worked with the electorate even though he joins the ranks of Prince, Madonna, Cher and Bono who go by a single moniker. Since his I.Q. is obviously missing in action he felt he should highlight his stand on abortion. To illustrate how dumb this cat is he has only campaigned in his own district. During a candidates’ debate at one point the longshot avoided a question and instead began to pray. It must have been a tough question like who’s buried in Grant’s tomb.

Something tells me that Pro-Life didn’t exactly sweep the voters off their feet. Even he voted for someone else. Think about this: what if candidates all over the country start changing their names to highlight their stands on issues….we could find a Global Warming Goldfarb, a Cut ‘N Run O’Shea, a Higher Gas Tax Smith and A Chicken In Every Pot Winninger. The thought boggles the mind.