OH, BALLS.
America’s love affair with pious, righteous, holy-than-thou, prudish behavior from officials trying to save the rest of us from damnation is a pain in the ass. Why don’t they just go about their uptight, small minded and trivial beliefs without bothering all of us sinners?
Here is a truism: all males have one thing in common…not their size or shape or color or intelligence…what all of us has are testicles! Show me a man without testicles and I’ll show you Wayne Newton. It seems that the Fort Meyers Beach, Fla. City Council actually voted to bar testicles from the city. I can’t even blame that on Jeb Bush. I’m sure he has his own set probably borrowed from his mother Barbara.
Okay, here’s the story. For the past three years the Surf Club bar has held a charity raising event for the Harry Chapin Food Bank with the wonderful name, The Turkey Testicle Festival. The name is alliterative and named after the terrific folk and country singer Harry Chapin. The festival has raised over $3,000 each year for the local Food Bank. For those of you who have been worrying yourselves sick over whether the “death tax” would be appealed, a Food Bank helps feed needy people. Yes, there are actually needy men, women and children in the good, old U.S of A. Republicans don’t think so but trust the Geezer on this.
Organizers of the Turkey Testicle Festival have had to fight like hell to keep their name. It seems that some members of the City Council were pressured by blue-haired, hare-brained constituents who feared for the island’s virtue and the propriety of the word. “Who cares what the name is,” said the town’s Mayor. “Money is going for a worthy cause.” Obviously, the Mayor has large testicles of his own. The same can’t be said for two Councilmen who said the name was inappropriate for a family island. They asked that testicle be removed from the name and all advertising. These two dunderheads didn’t see the connection between testicles and having a family. “We do have youngsters here. We’re trying to uplift their thinking,” one of the eunuchs proclaimed. These Cotton Mather look-a-likes were voted down and the good name of testicle was upheld – which is something all testicles like to happen to them.
In case this problem crops up in another city – there are more than 12 that host annual events with the name “testicle” – I have a few suggestions in case they want to rename their event to appease the religious right: the old satchels, gonads, melons, mistletoe, maracas, gherkins, family jewels and my personal favorite: “the hanging punching bags.”
If you have any other suggestions please send them on a check for ten thousand dollars made out to the Old Geezer.
Here is a truism: all males have one thing in common…not their size or shape or color or intelligence…what all of us has are testicles! Show me a man without testicles and I’ll show you Wayne Newton. It seems that the Fort Meyers Beach, Fla. City Council actually voted to bar testicles from the city. I can’t even blame that on Jeb Bush. I’m sure he has his own set probably borrowed from his mother Barbara.
Okay, here’s the story. For the past three years the Surf Club bar has held a charity raising event for the Harry Chapin Food Bank with the wonderful name, The Turkey Testicle Festival. The name is alliterative and named after the terrific folk and country singer Harry Chapin. The festival has raised over $3,000 each year for the local Food Bank. For those of you who have been worrying yourselves sick over whether the “death tax” would be appealed, a Food Bank helps feed needy people. Yes, there are actually needy men, women and children in the good, old U.S of A. Republicans don’t think so but trust the Geezer on this.
Organizers of the Turkey Testicle Festival have had to fight like hell to keep their name. It seems that some members of the City Council were pressured by blue-haired, hare-brained constituents who feared for the island’s virtue and the propriety of the word. “Who cares what the name is,” said the town’s Mayor. “Money is going for a worthy cause.” Obviously, the Mayor has large testicles of his own. The same can’t be said for two Councilmen who said the name was inappropriate for a family island. They asked that testicle be removed from the name and all advertising. These two dunderheads didn’t see the connection between testicles and having a family. “We do have youngsters here. We’re trying to uplift their thinking,” one of the eunuchs proclaimed. These Cotton Mather look-a-likes were voted down and the good name of testicle was upheld – which is something all testicles like to happen to them.
In case this problem crops up in another city – there are more than 12 that host annual events with the name “testicle” – I have a few suggestions in case they want to rename their event to appease the religious right: the old satchels, gonads, melons, mistletoe, maracas, gherkins, family jewels and my personal favorite: “the hanging punching bags.”
If you have any other suggestions please send them on a check for ten thousand dollars made out to the Old Geezer.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 12:45 PM
<< Home