A NAME IS A NAME IS A.....

I’m always amazed how men and women choose a name for their newly borns. It must be very difficult and result in many fights. Should they name their child after a relative and if that’s the case, whose relative? I know a mother and father who couldn’t decide and finally settled on naming their son after their apartment building….Worthington Arms Fink.

Since I’ve never had a child the Geezer hasn’t been faced with that problem. My best girlfriend’s parents couldn’t decide and after many stormy discussions resorted to the old “whatever comes out is her name.” They put a load of girl’s names in his hat and swore that whatever was picked was her name. It took 71/2 many years to get used to her moniker.

The reason for all this rambling is that a new phenomenon is sweeping the country. Besides wondering why the fuck we invaded Iraq. It seems that lots of parents are naming their off-springs after their favorite TV shows. Can you believe how crazy that is? Who the hell wants to go through life named, CIS Miami?

A couple in Biloxi, Miss. which in itself should give you a hint at how bright the husband and wife are – decided because the husband is an avid sports fan he would name their son. ESPN Montana Real was born last week at Biloxi Regional Medical Center. “We were the talk of the hospital,” Rusty Real said. “The nurses kept asking my wife if she really was going to let her husband name him ESPN. She said, “Oh, yes or he’ll spit tobacco juice all over me.” Rusty chose ESPN Montana after the sports network and Montana after football legend Joe Montana. It could have been worse, I guess, he could have named his son, Michelle Wei.

Baby ESPN isn’t alone. Three others were cited in a 2005 report on tvocommunity.com about the networks 25th anniversary. They are ESPN Malachi in Pampa, Texas, ESPN Curiel in Corpus Christi, Texas; and ESPN Blondeel in Covington, Louisiana. Notice that all these bizarre names were chosen by southern rednecks. What do you expect from people who think grits is a gourmet dish?

So, to all the Law & Order, Dancing with the Stars and Desperate Housewives out there no jury on earth would convict you if you killed old Mom and Dad.