LOVE, LOVE, HURRAY FOR LOVE.

Sexually, men are weird. What makes a man become obsessed with a woman is unfathomable. Some guy gets all hot and bothered with a certain type of female and others think he’s off his chump. I guess the old cliché, “whatever floats your boat” is probably true but why do some fellows fall for girls that look like something that fell off a fishing boat?

To prove my point The Geezer wants to tell you about some poor schmuck who lives in Ferndale, Mich. He’s in love. What’s the big deal? This fool doesn’t get horny about redheads, blondes, brunettes, big breasted ladies, flat ladies, tall or short women – what floats his boat are women nobody else would give a thought to. They're not obese or pinheads…those would be a step up for this dude. His female fetish is with female mannequins. You heard right, Bubba, this poor soul keeps falling in love with plastic statue. Oy Vey!

He has a history of smashing store windows to grab mannequins and has been accused of indulging his fetish once again. This 39-year-old crazy was arrested after breaking a window at a cleaning-supply company to get a mannequin in a black and white French maid’s uniform, police said. Well, maybe he’s not so bonkers, after all. I mean, anything in a French maid’s outfit is pretty darn hot. A judge ordered him to undergo a psychiatric examination to determine whether he’s competent to stand trial. “Mr. Dodson went to prison and they haven’t helped him,” said his lawyer. “He got out of prison and he’s right back out there. It’s pretty bizarre.” Duh! His erotic pursuit of mannequins over the past 13 year’s has led to at least six convictions for breaking and entering and a stint in prison. Reports don’t say whether he brings candy and flowers to his ladies in the window.

Before you decide he’s totally crackers, the Geezer did some research on mannequins. Turns out that manufacture’s in New York have endowed them with individual characteristics – the theory being that no two females, not even plastic or plaster females are quite alike. For instance, the mannequins at the department store Peck & Peck are made to look young and prim, while at Lord & Taylor they seem wiser and windblown, at Saks they are more demure but mature, while at Bergdorf’s they look agelessly elegant and quietly rich. The preoccupation with making mannequins almost human, and equipping them with curves, is probably responsible for the Michigan man’s problems. It’s a dirty, sneaky trick and I blame Hugo Chavez for it.

Our defendant told his parole officer he was going to buy a mannequin so he didn’t have to do these break-ins anymore. Apparently his at home ‘girlfriend’ didn’t work out. If the police are going to make a big deal out of an innocent, harmless honorable fetish…I’m not taking any chances and intend to deflate all my rubber-blow-up dolls.