SOMETHING IS FISHY!
Woe is us!
For those of you Klingons who actually believe that the world is in as wonderful shape as a Weight Watchers’ acrobatic team, the Geezer has news. In spite of what you heard from post-med Rush Limbaugh, and the other right wing nutcases, the world is not flat and we are going through global warming among other frightening events. The earth is facing catastrophic possibilities besides the Republicans keeping both houses of Congress.
If things are as sanguine as Neocons want us to believe what is the explanation for the sudden hostile attacks on humans by stingrays? Fish acting like monsters in a Japanese B-film. Is this another plot by cut and run, left-wing Liberals? When most people heard the word Stingray they thought of a souped up car driven by beer-bellied red necks. Most marine biologists who have studied stingrays for years say they are generally docile. Kind of like Amish guppies. Why have they suddenly become as hostile and belligerent as an ex-wife in divorce court?
Within the last few months stingrays have lost their flippers. Are they on steroids and fish growth hormones? Do they hang with Barry Bonds? As everyone knows the “Crocodile Hunter,” Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray that decided to use his heart as a dart board. Perhaps that stingray saw the tape of Irwin dangling his little daughter near a thousand foot croc and wanted to register its unhappiness? Irwin had faced attacks by crocodiles and other lethal species without messing his hair but without warning some angry stingray stung him in his heart with its foot-long barb.
It apparently wasn’t some obscure event – an 81-year-old man was recently attacked by a stingray, which flopped onto his boat and stung him, leaving a foot-long barb in the senior’s chest. He is in critical condition in a Florida hospital. “It was a freak accident,” said the fire Chief. “It’s very unusual that the thing jumped out of the water and stung him. We still can’t believe it.” Marine experts say stingrays reflexively deploy a sharp spine in their tails when frightened. Is that the explanation? “Rays” suddenly have become frightened of the dark and decided to show their displeasure. Nah!
There has to be a more diabolical plot afoot. Is it possible that the Axis-of-Evil has decided to junk nuclear bombs as a threat to western democracies and instead use stingrays as their secret weapon? Do we have new WMDs to worry about? Will the United States invade the waters to keep us safe? I’m going to urge the FBI to intercept stingray’s phone calls. It’s all out war!
So forget your basic al Qaeda, Osama and Islamic Jihadists we are faced with a bigger and more deadly enemy.
For those of you Klingons who actually believe that the world is in as wonderful shape as a Weight Watchers’ acrobatic team, the Geezer has news. In spite of what you heard from post-med Rush Limbaugh, and the other right wing nutcases, the world is not flat and we are going through global warming among other frightening events. The earth is facing catastrophic possibilities besides the Republicans keeping both houses of Congress.
If things are as sanguine as Neocons want us to believe what is the explanation for the sudden hostile attacks on humans by stingrays? Fish acting like monsters in a Japanese B-film. Is this another plot by cut and run, left-wing Liberals? When most people heard the word Stingray they thought of a souped up car driven by beer-bellied red necks. Most marine biologists who have studied stingrays for years say they are generally docile. Kind of like Amish guppies. Why have they suddenly become as hostile and belligerent as an ex-wife in divorce court?
Within the last few months stingrays have lost their flippers. Are they on steroids and fish growth hormones? Do they hang with Barry Bonds? As everyone knows the “Crocodile Hunter,” Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray that decided to use his heart as a dart board. Perhaps that stingray saw the tape of Irwin dangling his little daughter near a thousand foot croc and wanted to register its unhappiness? Irwin had faced attacks by crocodiles and other lethal species without messing his hair but without warning some angry stingray stung him in his heart with its foot-long barb.
It apparently wasn’t some obscure event – an 81-year-old man was recently attacked by a stingray, which flopped onto his boat and stung him, leaving a foot-long barb in the senior’s chest. He is in critical condition in a Florida hospital. “It was a freak accident,” said the fire Chief. “It’s very unusual that the thing jumped out of the water and stung him. We still can’t believe it.” Marine experts say stingrays reflexively deploy a sharp spine in their tails when frightened. Is that the explanation? “Rays” suddenly have become frightened of the dark and decided to show their displeasure. Nah!
There has to be a more diabolical plot afoot. Is it possible that the Axis-of-Evil has decided to junk nuclear bombs as a threat to western democracies and instead use stingrays as their secret weapon? Do we have new WMDs to worry about? Will the United States invade the waters to keep us safe? I’m going to urge the FBI to intercept stingray’s phone calls. It’s all out war!
So forget your basic al Qaeda, Osama and Islamic Jihadists we are faced with a bigger and more deadly enemy.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 1:22 PM
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