SAFE SEX
This is the first X-Rated rant I’ve ever done. If there are kids in the room get them the hell out. Tell ‘em to play with their play station…or…themselves!
Safe sex is a continuing problem in the world. Without it the population explosion will cause the earth to be as inhabitable as your in-laws house. During my short lived and miserable marriage we didn’t have any problem with safe sex…my mean, old wife made it a rule never to have sex when we were both in the same state. Contraception is the key to over-population and ‘safe sex’. The Catholic Church prohibits the use of contraception because most child molesting priests find it unwieldy. Who can blame them the poor degenerates have a tough enough time running Bingo games.
I think it’s safe to say that the majority of males hate to use condoms. It’s pretty embarrassing in the heat of passion to try and rip the foil packet with your teeth and roll the damn thing on your shmeckle. Talk about sexy, eh? By the time you finally do – the woman has already put on the Leno show and is snoring. Wearing a condom is akin…now that’s a pretty fancy word for the Geezer to use – but adding a little pizzazz to these rants couldn’t hurt….wearing a condom is as much fun as getting a tattoo with a jack hammer.
Well, there is help just over the hill. German sex educators plan to launch – gird your loins and listen – have developed a spray-on condom tailor-made for all sizes. Talking about ‘sizes’ embarrasses the hell out of me. I have an inny! The idea is to promote better and safer sex lives. I, always find that a woman is essential for a better sex life.
“We’re trying to develop the perfect condom for men that have suited to every size of penis,” one of the scientists’s said. Wonder if they have it in puny. The manufacturer “spraykondom” is developing a type of spray can into which the man inserts his penis first. At the push of a button it is then coated in a rubber condom. “It works by spraying on latex from nozzles on all sides,” he continued. “We call it the ‘360 degree procedure’ – once round and from top to bottom. It’s a bit like a car wash. Oh, great, does it also clean hub caps?
“The plan is to make the product ready for use in about five seconds. It would fit better and not slip,” said he. “We want to make sure the latex is evenly spread when sprayed, as well as optimize the vulcanization process.” Vulcanize your penis? What if you have a blow out? They also plan to make it available in different strengths and colors. Oy vey!
I’m just going to stick with my old reliable…crazy glue.
Safe sex is a continuing problem in the world. Without it the population explosion will cause the earth to be as inhabitable as your in-laws house. During my short lived and miserable marriage we didn’t have any problem with safe sex…my mean, old wife made it a rule never to have sex when we were both in the same state. Contraception is the key to over-population and ‘safe sex’. The Catholic Church prohibits the use of contraception because most child molesting priests find it unwieldy. Who can blame them the poor degenerates have a tough enough time running Bingo games.
I think it’s safe to say that the majority of males hate to use condoms. It’s pretty embarrassing in the heat of passion to try and rip the foil packet with your teeth and roll the damn thing on your shmeckle. Talk about sexy, eh? By the time you finally do – the woman has already put on the Leno show and is snoring. Wearing a condom is akin…now that’s a pretty fancy word for the Geezer to use – but adding a little pizzazz to these rants couldn’t hurt….wearing a condom is as much fun as getting a tattoo with a jack hammer.
Well, there is help just over the hill. German sex educators plan to launch – gird your loins and listen – have developed a spray-on condom tailor-made for all sizes. Talking about ‘sizes’ embarrasses the hell out of me. I have an inny! The idea is to promote better and safer sex lives. I, always find that a woman is essential for a better sex life.
“We’re trying to develop the perfect condom for men that have suited to every size of penis,” one of the scientists’s said. Wonder if they have it in puny. The manufacturer “spraykondom” is developing a type of spray can into which the man inserts his penis first. At the push of a button it is then coated in a rubber condom. “It works by spraying on latex from nozzles on all sides,” he continued. “We call it the ‘360 degree procedure’ – once round and from top to bottom. It’s a bit like a car wash. Oh, great, does it also clean hub caps?
“The plan is to make the product ready for use in about five seconds. It would fit better and not slip,” said he. “We want to make sure the latex is evenly spread when sprayed, as well as optimize the vulcanization process.” Vulcanize your penis? What if you have a blow out? They also plan to make it available in different strengths and colors. Oy vey!
I’m just going to stick with my old reliable…crazy glue.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 5:12 PM
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