STOP BUYING GIFTS.
It’s holiday time again. Doesn’t it seem like its holiday time? The trickiest thing about holidays is getting the right gift for that special someone. Buying the right gift is a no win situation. Some pains are never grateful and complain that your gift is the wrong size, color or useless to them. Ungrateful swine! For my last birthday I received 10-gifts…they were all pajamas.
Wives, mothers and girlfriends are really difficult to purchase anything for. Especially if its clothes. Problem number one is, you can’t ask a woman what her size is…she will just get pissed and tell you it’s none of your damn business and she plans to lose a few pounds as soon as the holiday season is over. Besides she will tell you that you have no taste in clothes. Pointing to your torn t-shirt – the one with the stains – and tell you that, “she rests her case.” Guys are easy – a six pack or a baseball hat that says, “Kiss my grits” is usually just fine.
To show you how crazy people get at holiday time my mother once called to complain that I loved my father better than I did her. Forget that she was right…I defensively told her that nothing could be further from the truth and what gave her that silly idea? She pointed out that I had sent both of them Christmas cards and his cost more than hers. She actually looked at the back of the cards. No wonder I decided to become an orphan.
Recently a man walked into Toys “R” Us and raised hell about a police toy that they were selling. They toy set, named “Elite Operations Role Play Set: Police,” includes a nightstick and utility belt. No mace – that’s for next year. What’s the problem you ask? This uptight dude claimed the toy set that he gave to his 6-year old son uttered a curse word. A recorded message that includes what sounds like a curse word plays when the nightstick is removed from the belt. “I’ve had to explain to parents why my son is saying the f-word; it’s horrible. It’s a cute little toy; but God forbid, it’s not was I want my kid hearing.”
The Geezer says, “Why the hell not?” Every six-year-old I know says a lot worse than that to their parents and friends. Most use language that would make a shipload of Greek sailors blush. A spokesman for Toys “R” Us swore that the toy maker tested the recording and found nothing wrong. “It must have been a faulty chip,” said the manufacturer, it should say, “Stop, I don’t want to have to pull out my nightstick!”
A big deal was made out of a simple mistake. The complaining dad probably would rather have his son play “Doctor and Nurse” with the 5-year-old girl next store and get her knocked up. Six-year-olds today are sneaky buggers. The store manager decided to take back the toy cop and allow the father to pick another toy for his filthy mouth kid. The father should really be arrested by the toy cop because he loudly yelled at the employees, “Take you friggin’ toy and stick it up your fat booty. I don’t want my goddamn kid learning any curse words unless he learns them from me!” How would his kid like 10-pairs of slightly stained pajamas?
Wives, mothers and girlfriends are really difficult to purchase anything for. Especially if its clothes. Problem number one is, you can’t ask a woman what her size is…she will just get pissed and tell you it’s none of your damn business and she plans to lose a few pounds as soon as the holiday season is over. Besides she will tell you that you have no taste in clothes. Pointing to your torn t-shirt – the one with the stains – and tell you that, “she rests her case.” Guys are easy – a six pack or a baseball hat that says, “Kiss my grits” is usually just fine.
To show you how crazy people get at holiday time my mother once called to complain that I loved my father better than I did her. Forget that she was right…I defensively told her that nothing could be further from the truth and what gave her that silly idea? She pointed out that I had sent both of them Christmas cards and his cost more than hers. She actually looked at the back of the cards. No wonder I decided to become an orphan.
Recently a man walked into Toys “R” Us and raised hell about a police toy that they were selling. They toy set, named “Elite Operations Role Play Set: Police,” includes a nightstick and utility belt. No mace – that’s for next year. What’s the problem you ask? This uptight dude claimed the toy set that he gave to his 6-year old son uttered a curse word. A recorded message that includes what sounds like a curse word plays when the nightstick is removed from the belt. “I’ve had to explain to parents why my son is saying the f-word; it’s horrible. It’s a cute little toy; but God forbid, it’s not was I want my kid hearing.”
The Geezer says, “Why the hell not?” Every six-year-old I know says a lot worse than that to their parents and friends. Most use language that would make a shipload of Greek sailors blush. A spokesman for Toys “R” Us swore that the toy maker tested the recording and found nothing wrong. “It must have been a faulty chip,” said the manufacturer, it should say, “Stop, I don’t want to have to pull out my nightstick!”
A big deal was made out of a simple mistake. The complaining dad probably would rather have his son play “Doctor and Nurse” with the 5-year-old girl next store and get her knocked up. Six-year-olds today are sneaky buggers. The store manager decided to take back the toy cop and allow the father to pick another toy for his filthy mouth kid. The father should really be arrested by the toy cop because he loudly yelled at the employees, “Take you friggin’ toy and stick it up your fat booty. I don’t want my goddamn kid learning any curse words unless he learns them from me!” How would his kid like 10-pairs of slightly stained pajamas?
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 10:55 AM
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