KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
Since the Geezer is a very old Geezer he has seen or heard of many strange and weird things that have happened in the past. Almost nothing surprises me. I didn’t bat an eye when it was brought to my attention that some poor soul from the Bronx connected his freckles to form a picture of Larry the Pants Salesman.
I didn’t even blink when a teen in Ohio swore he woke up and the Mormon Tabernacle choir was sitting at the foot of his bed flicking chickens. Or, the shepherd some hundred years ago who was wandering in the Gulf of Aquaba and stumbled upon a cave containing several large clay pots and two tickets to the ice show. I guess I’m immune to being astonished anymore.
At least I was immune until I heard about the naked fellow in El Cerrito, California who was arrested for a concealed weapon. Huh? You heard right, bubba, some nude was hiding what the police thought was a concealed dangerous weapon. When I first read about it I said, “Posh” how the hell can that be true? I don’t say “Posh” very often…usually during a full moon. Occasionally when drinking Shirley Temples I also say, “Pish/Posh” but I have to be really bombed to do that.
Let’s think about it, how can anyone walking around unclothed possibly hide anything dangerous or not? Could the police have been talking about his ‘member’? But there’s no way that could be concealed unless his stomach hangs down to his knees. When the fuzz arrived they found him lying on a tree stump, masturbating besides a nature path. The dude obviously has a different life style than most people. I’m not talking about him masturbating – it happens to be one of the few things I do well – but on a tree stump?
When the police placed him under arrest it was for indecent exposure but when they asked him if he was carrying anything police should know about he admitted that he indeed was carrying a tool in his rectum. The poor sap was volunteering more information than anyone needed to hear. I guess he likes to share. My first thought would be what kind of tool could he be hiding there? A jackhammer, an electric saw, a ladder?
The cops drew their weapons – which where not concealed – and firefighters were called. Why involve them in this sordid incident was not explained. While everyone watched with baited breaths the arrestee removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without comment. “You can’t get more concealed than that,” said one cop. He didn’t explain why he felt the need to have a 6-inch awl in his rectum unless it was in memory of his cellmate. Oh, yeah, the guy was a recent parolee. He was booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a dangerous weapon. “When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” said the sick-to-his-stomach officer.
I have to admit that this report shocked even me. Just when I thought I’d seen it all some numb-nuts shakes me out of my smug, comfortable cocoon. If the guy hasn’t told the cops they never would have known – he could have walked away – a little funnily but away.
I didn’t even blink when a teen in Ohio swore he woke up and the Mormon Tabernacle choir was sitting at the foot of his bed flicking chickens. Or, the shepherd some hundred years ago who was wandering in the Gulf of Aquaba and stumbled upon a cave containing several large clay pots and two tickets to the ice show. I guess I’m immune to being astonished anymore.
At least I was immune until I heard about the naked fellow in El Cerrito, California who was arrested for a concealed weapon. Huh? You heard right, bubba, some nude was hiding what the police thought was a concealed dangerous weapon. When I first read about it I said, “Posh” how the hell can that be true? I don’t say “Posh” very often…usually during a full moon. Occasionally when drinking Shirley Temples I also say, “Pish/Posh” but I have to be really bombed to do that.
Let’s think about it, how can anyone walking around unclothed possibly hide anything dangerous or not? Could the police have been talking about his ‘member’? But there’s no way that could be concealed unless his stomach hangs down to his knees. When the fuzz arrived they found him lying on a tree stump, masturbating besides a nature path. The dude obviously has a different life style than most people. I’m not talking about him masturbating – it happens to be one of the few things I do well – but on a tree stump?
When the police placed him under arrest it was for indecent exposure but when they asked him if he was carrying anything police should know about he admitted that he indeed was carrying a tool in his rectum. The poor sap was volunteering more information than anyone needed to hear. I guess he likes to share. My first thought would be what kind of tool could he be hiding there? A jackhammer, an electric saw, a ladder?
The cops drew their weapons – which where not concealed – and firefighters were called. Why involve them in this sordid incident was not explained. While everyone watched with baited breaths the arrestee removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without comment. “You can’t get more concealed than that,” said one cop. He didn’t explain why he felt the need to have a 6-inch awl in his rectum unless it was in memory of his cellmate. Oh, yeah, the guy was a recent parolee. He was booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a dangerous weapon. “When you’re talking about an awl or an ice pick and you’re dealing with somebody who’s fresh out of prison, it’s a weapon. That’s a stabbing instrument,” said the sick-to-his-stomach officer.
I have to admit that this report shocked even me. Just when I thought I’d seen it all some numb-nuts shakes me out of my smug, comfortable cocoon. If the guy hasn’t told the cops they never would have known – he could have walked away – a little funnily but away.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 3:33 PM
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