HALLELUJAH
Apropos of nothing: My information booth is always open especially when it comes to proving that politicians are the lowest life form – I read with interest, and a gagging response, that some putz running for sheriff in a small southern town decided to insure his election by legally changing his name to Andy Griffith. He obviously thought the connection with Mayberry would do the trick. I swear on a plate of grits it’s true. Even the bubbas and bubbettes didn’t fall for this ploy. He was soundly defeated. Now, if he had changed his name to Aunt Bea he might have stood a chance.
Speaking about the south and its collection of rednecks: a redneck is the kind of man who goes to a family reunion to pick up chicks. A 54-year old religious fanatic claims that two small bibles he was carrying in his shirt pocket saved his life when they stopped a bullet. He swore on a stack of bibles that it actually happened. Hopefully those bibles didn’t have a bullet hole in them.
Anyway, he told the southern sheriff who investigated the case that two men ambushed him with a rifle as he carried bags of garbage to a trash can. Southern sheriffs are born with sun glasses on, don’t you know. I have a few questions about this dubious event. Why would he carry two bibles in his pocket while taking out garbage? Does he always carry bibles…even when he takes a shower – which probably isn't often? Are they stapled to his body?
The man said he was carrying two New Testament bibles in his shirt to give to friends. Have you ever heard of anyone else who gives bibles as gifts to friends? What happened to an unfashionable, fat, ugly tie as a gift? Or, a pair of shoe laces? It seems like a very unbelievable scenario. I think this guy was a defrocked bible salesman trying to unload some hot New Testaments. Besides ho ever heard of gunmen carrying a rifle on the job? Maybe they just wanted to heist some garbage when this religious busybody screwed everything up?
The police took the bibles as evidence. Why? Do bullets leave fingerprints? Other than a red mark and a pain in his chest our so-called victim was not injured. I suspect the bible nut was trying to get his fifteen minutes of fame or trying to impress his wife who happened to be pulling the hay wagon, at the time.
Perhaps the Geezer has become a cynic in my old age but this story smells worse than skunk road kill.
Speaking about the south and its collection of rednecks: a redneck is the kind of man who goes to a family reunion to pick up chicks. A 54-year old religious fanatic claims that two small bibles he was carrying in his shirt pocket saved his life when they stopped a bullet. He swore on a stack of bibles that it actually happened. Hopefully those bibles didn’t have a bullet hole in them.
Anyway, he told the southern sheriff who investigated the case that two men ambushed him with a rifle as he carried bags of garbage to a trash can. Southern sheriffs are born with sun glasses on, don’t you know. I have a few questions about this dubious event. Why would he carry two bibles in his pocket while taking out garbage? Does he always carry bibles…even when he takes a shower – which probably isn't often? Are they stapled to his body?
The man said he was carrying two New Testament bibles in his shirt to give to friends. Have you ever heard of anyone else who gives bibles as gifts to friends? What happened to an unfashionable, fat, ugly tie as a gift? Or, a pair of shoe laces? It seems like a very unbelievable scenario. I think this guy was a defrocked bible salesman trying to unload some hot New Testaments. Besides ho ever heard of gunmen carrying a rifle on the job? Maybe they just wanted to heist some garbage when this religious busybody screwed everything up?
The police took the bibles as evidence. Why? Do bullets leave fingerprints? Other than a red mark and a pain in his chest our so-called victim was not injured. I suspect the bible nut was trying to get his fifteen minutes of fame or trying to impress his wife who happened to be pulling the hay wagon, at the time.
Perhaps the Geezer has become a cynic in my old age but this story smells worse than skunk road kill.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 10:26 AM
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