OLD STINKY.
As anyone knows, who has an I.Q. higher than a bivalve, airports and flying has become a pain in the tush. With the quixotic terror alert color scheme that bureaucrats at Homeland Security, with the personalities of a Brussels sprout, have used to frighten travelers – can anyone explain to the Geezer what ‘an orange alert’ means? Orange is such a pussy color…why don’t they make it “red” that’s scary and likely to fend off any card carrying terrorist. If they had a fashion sense they’d name the security alerts shantung or pinstriped.
I don’t even want to discuss the idiot who instituted the rule about passengers not being able to carry shaving cream or hair gel on a plane. He’s probably the kind of guy who invested his life savings in the DeLorean Motor Company. If you’re too young to remember DeLorean – get older. Back to air-travel: airports are horrible, flights are never on time, the seats are only comfortable if you happen to be an anorexic, flight attendants, who used to be called stewardesses and were gorgeous, now look like everyone’s ugly grandmother and bother the hell out of customers especially those sleeping. “Thanks for waking me up. No, I don’t want a goddamn pillow!”
Everybody flying has become paranoid about terrorists sitting next to them. Any passenger with darkish skin, wearing a diaper on his head and answering to the name Mahmoud – is in deep shit. Just because he might be carrying a naked picture of Osama doesn’t mean a thing. God forbid he presses the button to call for a flight attendant – he will probably get tasered in his schlong. However, it’s a good idea for all of us to be on guard against menaces that’s why I never flew with my ex-wife.
Recently a British Airways crew threw a passenger off a flight and he tried to sue for damages. The flight took off from Duesseldorf, Germany and other passengers became aware of a horrible, disgusting smell. No, a mouse didn’t die in an overhead bin although the smell probably would have killed one – the offending stink was tracked to a male passenger. It was easy to pick him out – flies were circling him holding their noses. This dude smelled as bad as a New York cabby! When passengers sitting near him began to gag and upchuck, the airline crew asked him if he could put on a fresh shirt. He declined saying his shirt was perfectly clean even though it had been used in a cock flight the night before. Besides he claimed that he smelled just like his mother who liked to roll around in skunk entrails. The fellow was escorted off the flight about two minutes before take off.
Old ‘stinky’ tried to sue the airline for damages claiming that he couldn’t help sweating after carrying three suitcases in 29 degrees of heat and sitting in the airport for two hours with no air conditioning. He did admit to sweating even while taking a shower. After hearing all sides the judge removed his gas mask and ruled in favor of the airline. Although he did present the passenger with a lifetime supply of deodorant. ‘Stinky’ thought it was food and ate the entire carton so at least his breath will smell clean.
I don’t even want to discuss the idiot who instituted the rule about passengers not being able to carry shaving cream or hair gel on a plane. He’s probably the kind of guy who invested his life savings in the DeLorean Motor Company. If you’re too young to remember DeLorean – get older. Back to air-travel: airports are horrible, flights are never on time, the seats are only comfortable if you happen to be an anorexic, flight attendants, who used to be called stewardesses and were gorgeous, now look like everyone’s ugly grandmother and bother the hell out of customers especially those sleeping. “Thanks for waking me up. No, I don’t want a goddamn pillow!”
Everybody flying has become paranoid about terrorists sitting next to them. Any passenger with darkish skin, wearing a diaper on his head and answering to the name Mahmoud – is in deep shit. Just because he might be carrying a naked picture of Osama doesn’t mean a thing. God forbid he presses the button to call for a flight attendant – he will probably get tasered in his schlong. However, it’s a good idea for all of us to be on guard against menaces that’s why I never flew with my ex-wife.
Recently a British Airways crew threw a passenger off a flight and he tried to sue for damages. The flight took off from Duesseldorf, Germany and other passengers became aware of a horrible, disgusting smell. No, a mouse didn’t die in an overhead bin although the smell probably would have killed one – the offending stink was tracked to a male passenger. It was easy to pick him out – flies were circling him holding their noses. This dude smelled as bad as a New York cabby! When passengers sitting near him began to gag and upchuck, the airline crew asked him if he could put on a fresh shirt. He declined saying his shirt was perfectly clean even though it had been used in a cock flight the night before. Besides he claimed that he smelled just like his mother who liked to roll around in skunk entrails. The fellow was escorted off the flight about two minutes before take off.
Old ‘stinky’ tried to sue the airline for damages claiming that he couldn’t help sweating after carrying three suitcases in 29 degrees of heat and sitting in the airport for two hours with no air conditioning. He did admit to sweating even while taking a shower. After hearing all sides the judge removed his gas mask and ruled in favor of the airline. Although he did present the passenger with a lifetime supply of deodorant. ‘Stinky’ thought it was food and ate the entire carton so at least his breath will smell clean.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 10:29 AM
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