I'LL HAVE MINE WITH SPRINKLES.

WE HAVE A LOT TO BLAME GEORGE W. BUSH FOR BUT EVEN HE GETS A PASS ON THIS ONE. SINCE 9-11 MANY AMERICANS HAVE BECOME PARANOID ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF ANOTHER TERRORIST ATTACK. NONE HAS HAPPENED SINCE 2001 BUT 9-YEARS ARE A BLINK OF THE EYE FOR CRAZIES. A STUDY WAS MADE THAT PROVES THAT MORE LOONEY-TUNES ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF STORE WINDOWS WEARING POINTED ALUMINUM HATS AND TALKING TO MANNEQUINS. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST TALKING TO STORE DUMMIES – IN FACT, I DATED ONE WHO WAS IN BLOOMINGDALE’S FRONT WINDOW FOR A FEW YEARS BUT THAT’S FOR ANOTHER TIME.

JOINING THE RANKS OF NUTCASES IS THE DUNKIN’ DONUTS CHAIN. THEIR DONUTS COULD CAUSE A YAK TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. DUNKIN’ WAS RUNNING A TV COMMERCIAL STARRING RACHAEL RAY – RACHAEL DOES A COOKING SHOW ON CABLE AND HAS ONE OF THE MOST IRRITATING VOICES I’VE EVER HEARD. ON THE SHOW SHE LOOKS LIKE A DWARF ON SPEED. IN THIS DUNKIN’ DONUT COMMERCIAL, RACHAEL WAS WEARING A SCARF WITH A BLACK AND WHITE PATTERN THAT MANY CONSERVATIVE MORONS INSISTED WAS SENDING OUT SIGNALS THAT COULD BE READ BY ISLAMIC TERRORISTS. THEY CLAIMED THAT IT LOOKED LIKE THE SAME THING ARAFAT USED TO WEAR. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YASSAR ALWAYS MADE FASHION STATEMENTS WITH HIS WARDROBE.

ANYWAY, THE DUNKIN’ DONUT BRASS PANICKED WHEN THEY GOT SOME ANGRY MAIL AND PULLED THE RACHAEL RAY COMMERCIAL. THIS FINE AMERICAN COMPANY WASN’T GOING TO HELP THE TERRORTISTS’ PROPAGANDA MACHINE. IF DUNKIN’ WANTED TO REALLY HURT THE ISLAMIC RADICALS THEY WHOULD SEND THEM FREE DONUTS AND WATCH THEM ALL DIE OF CARDIAC ARREST.