THE BRITS ARE THE BEST.

I love the British. I’m a devout anglophile and proud of it. They seem so dignified and elegant. Who else can be comfy in attire like striped trousers, an umbrella and a derby…in bed? They are very droll and occasionally speak a form of English. They’re so classy that some of them even wear contact monocles.

The Brits have affected our culture more than any country including the Bulgaria. Mini skirts, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Twiggy and, of course, their ambassador of good taste - Benny Hill. Americans love England and millions of them visit London every year even though the city is exorbitantly expensive. How expensive? I saw a Saudi Crown Prince send home for more money.

One thing about the British that hasn’t caught on with us Yanks is the food that they eat. Kippers, Clotted Cream, Bangers, Twiglets, Fish fingers (I didn’t know fish had fingers but whattheyhey), Blood Pudding, Finnan Haddie and last but not least – Bubble & Squeak. Be honest would you ever put something called Bubble & Squeak in your mouth? Hell, I’d be afraid to be in the same room with it.

I could go on and on about our British cousins because they make me laugh. Just recently a group of British farmers insisted that their cows have regional accents. Lloyd Green, from southwest England, was one of a group of farmers who first noticed the phenomenon. “I spent a lot of time with my Friesians and they definitely ‘moo’ with a Somerset drawl,” he said, referring to the breed of dairy cow he owns. Now really, cows mooing with accents? Does that mean that cows in Georgia moo with southern accents? Imagine a redneck ‘Bessie’. Would we find some cow in Brooklyn mooing in a New York accent? Sounds kind of silly and weird to me. Are those British farmers trying to pull our Bubble & Squeak?

A scientist who thinks he’s Henry Higgins thinks they are right. “I think it works the same as with dogs – the closer a person bonds with his animals, the easier it is for them to pick up his accent.” If this is true you might find a British Wolf Hound barking in cockney, "Blimey, I feel like bashing the bishop." After you clean out the litter box a pussy cat saying, “Thanks mate.” A professor of Phonetics at University College London insists that this phenomenon has also been found in birds. Can’t wait to hear a parakeet who sounds like Queen Elizabeth. Look like her, yes – but sound like her?

I’m a little dubious about this report from England. Although I’d give a pair of my best spats to hear an English Chihuahua sound like Ringo Star.