BE ALL YOU CAN EAT........
As if the U.S. military doesn’t have enough problems with Iraq and Afghanistan something new has reared its ugly head. No, I don’t mean – Anne Coulter or Karrie Webb - this is even uglier.
Besides terrorists, germ warfare and nuclear weapons, military officials increasingly worry about a different kind of threat – troops too fat to fight. You heard right. Even though the military is not even close to meeting their recruitment quotas – many of the men and women who are showing up are way to overweight or obese. Many can barely make through the door. I guess the fatsos heard about the great chow in the military. Good unhealthy, high cholesterol, fatty, grub that would make a hyena throw up. And they can go back for seconds, thirds and fourths.
Weight issues plague all branches of the military. The Pentagon is serious about this new “ Slim Fast “ approach to its fighting men and women. Tens of thousands of troops are struggling to lose weight and thousands have been booted out of service in recent years because they couldn’t lose poundage. Those doing the booting suffered broken feet in trying to penetrate the fat asses of those let go.
One of the biggest worries concerns those not in uniform yet: Nearly 2 out of 10 men and 4 out of 10 women of recruiting age weigh too much to even qualify for service. Today’s soldiers are super sized, averaging 37 pounds heavier than former recruits. Commanders are considering abandoning typical uniforms. You know, camouflaged uniforms, boots, etc., for loose fitting muumuus and sandals? Our troops will look like they were recruited from Haight Ashbury. What enemy is going to be frightened by a division of fat, bearded hippies?
Hell, if they allow some of these blubber types to join the paratroops…they won’t even need parachutes…they can jump out of a plane and their tent uniforms will allow them to land softly as a butterfly. What’s going to happen to our tank corps? None of the new soldiers will be able to fit in the hatch. If one is able to slide through after being lathered with butter they probably will never be able to leave the tank for the rest of their lives. They’ll die just like sardines on a can. How about our submarine service? If two of these fat sailors get to standing in the aft portion the sub will tip over and look like a gray cigar sticking out of the water. Forget airplanes. None will be able to take off with obese flight crews. I guess they will have to just taxi to their bombing target.
Weight problems add stress to already stressful jobs, costing many soldiers promotions and leading some to try desperate measures like rubber suits and risky pills to shed pounds. In 2003 alone, more than 3,000 people were kicked out of all branches of the military for failing weight standards. If this trend continues instead of “Be All You Can Be” the new motto of our services will be “Be All You Can EAT!”
Osama is probably munching on flies with a chaser of dust and quaking in his cave.
Besides terrorists, germ warfare and nuclear weapons, military officials increasingly worry about a different kind of threat – troops too fat to fight. You heard right. Even though the military is not even close to meeting their recruitment quotas – many of the men and women who are showing up are way to overweight or obese. Many can barely make through the door. I guess the fatsos heard about the great chow in the military. Good unhealthy, high cholesterol, fatty, grub that would make a hyena throw up. And they can go back for seconds, thirds and fourths.
Weight issues plague all branches of the military. The Pentagon is serious about this new “ Slim Fast “ approach to its fighting men and women. Tens of thousands of troops are struggling to lose weight and thousands have been booted out of service in recent years because they couldn’t lose poundage. Those doing the booting suffered broken feet in trying to penetrate the fat asses of those let go.
One of the biggest worries concerns those not in uniform yet: Nearly 2 out of 10 men and 4 out of 10 women of recruiting age weigh too much to even qualify for service. Today’s soldiers are super sized, averaging 37 pounds heavier than former recruits. Commanders are considering abandoning typical uniforms. You know, camouflaged uniforms, boots, etc., for loose fitting muumuus and sandals? Our troops will look like they were recruited from Haight Ashbury. What enemy is going to be frightened by a division of fat, bearded hippies?
Hell, if they allow some of these blubber types to join the paratroops…they won’t even need parachutes…they can jump out of a plane and their tent uniforms will allow them to land softly as a butterfly. What’s going to happen to our tank corps? None of the new soldiers will be able to fit in the hatch. If one is able to slide through after being lathered with butter they probably will never be able to leave the tank for the rest of their lives. They’ll die just like sardines on a can. How about our submarine service? If two of these fat sailors get to standing in the aft portion the sub will tip over and look like a gray cigar sticking out of the water. Forget airplanes. None will be able to take off with obese flight crews. I guess they will have to just taxi to their bombing target.
Weight problems add stress to already stressful jobs, costing many soldiers promotions and leading some to try desperate measures like rubber suits and risky pills to shed pounds. In 2003 alone, more than 3,000 people were kicked out of all branches of the military for failing weight standards. If this trend continues instead of “Be All You Can Be” the new motto of our services will be “Be All You Can EAT!”
Osama is probably munching on flies with a chaser of dust and quaking in his cave.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 7:00 AM
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