NASA IS A BIG BULLY....

NASA’s in big trouble. Its problem is not as simple as losing a space probe or having rockets fizzle on the launching pad…like bad Tijuana firecrackers. This time the Space Agency’s got their hands full.

NASA’s is being sued by a Russian astrologer for sending a space probe smashing into a comet and raising cosmic dust all over the place. Perhaps the astrologer is allergic to cosmic dust and wants compensation for a new supply of hankies.

Marina Bai has sued claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into comet Tempel 1 “ruins the natural balance of the universe.” If the case ever makes it to court I can’t wait to see who she calls as expert witnesses. Not many people have real experience in the universe…except maybe Shirley MacLaine. Marina Bai – sounds like a south sea yacht basin or one of those tropical drinks with tiny umbrellas in them – is really serious about her law suit. A Moscow court has postponed hearings on the merits of the case until late July.

Scientists say the crash did not significantly alter the comet’s orbit around the sun and said the experiment does not pose any danger to earth. But, how do they really know? Scientists can’t even agree if tiny amounts of aspirin are good for hypertension or cleaning the living room rug. What they will admit is the crash sent up a cloud of debris that they hope to examine to learn how the solar system was formed. Instead of bombing some innocent comet why don’t they just ask the aliens circling around is Flying Saucers?

Bai is seeking damages totally 300 million – the approximate cost of the mission – for her “moral suffering”, claimed her lawyer Alexander Molokhov. Marina also claimed that the experiment would “deform her horoscope.” Who wants to walk around Moscow with a deformed horoscope? Think of the jokes that will be made at her expense. Both Bai and her lawyer are hoping that the case goes before Judge Judy.

Doesn’t it seem strange that America would attack an unarmed comet? Blow a hole in it wider than two Shea Stadiums? Why? Was the comet making too much noise at night? Playing loud hip-hop music and causing noise pollution in the universe? Wait. Is it possible that George W. and the Pentagon heard that Tempel 1 had weapons of mass destruction? That it was an ally of Bin Laden? That the comet was somehow connected with 9-11?

That puts an entirely new prospective on the comet probe. Screw Marina Bai and her deformed horoscope. NASA was just trying to protect us against another axis-of-evil enemy.