STICK YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT AND........

Many people believe that the Patriot Act shouldn’t be renewed. They feel that law enforcement has too much power now and are abusing that power. Police are intruding on our lives in ways that threaten our freedom. Law enforcement officials protest that they need as much information as they can get against possible terrorists, law breakers…and readers of Harry Potter. Find someone reading the new Harry Potter and you might be looking at an Al Qaeda operative…or a 9-year old kid with pimples.

Police abuse is a problem in many cities around the country. But, no where have the police over-stepped their authority than in Lawrence, Kansas. Yes, these uniformed “Evil-Witches of the West” – have gone too far. Just the facts Ranting Old Geezer. Okay. Ezekiel Rubottom – a name that should qualify for the Terrible Names Hall of Fame - finally had to put his foot down and demand that the Lawrence police department apologize to him for over-stepping their authority. Remember the clever “putting foot down” and “over-stepping” references.

Ezekiel now has his left foot back exactly where he wants it – in a bucket on his front porch. Embarrassed police have returned the amputated foot to him after seizing it during a weekend raid at his house. Everyone knows the cops have to get a search warrant before they can seize evidence from someone’s home. Did the Lawrence police get a warrant from some Kansas judge who was watching a re-run of Mayberry? Hell, no. They just called out the local SWAT team – consisting of a guy named, Orville, and grabbed Rubottom’s left foot which was soaking in a pail – not bothering anyone.

The 21-year old man’s foot was amputated three weeks ago after a series of medical problems, and he started keeping it in a five-gallon bucket filled with formaldehyde. Hey, it’s his right as an American – a little strange but no more so than hog calling. Things came to a head after the police got a call from a parent whose child reported seeing the severed foot. Officers who went to the home found the foot, and some of Ezekiel’s friends, but no sign of Rubottom himself.
Unsure of what to make of the unusual discovery, the police confiscated the severed foot and put it into evidence storage. “We had to make sure that no crime had been committed,” Sgt. Dan Ward said. How would you like to have your left foot dumped into some dusty evidence locker?

Ezekiel, an artist, recovering methamphetamine addict and occasional hip-hop master of ceremonies had some medical problems so severe that doctors decided it should be amputated. Ezekiel asked the docs to have his severed foot and he got it. After many discussions they decided that they didn’t need another left foot so happily gave it to Rubottom. One podiatrist wanted to mount it on his wall but he was voted down.

The hospital pointed out that people can keep parts removed from their bodies if they want them. Sounds reasonable and civilized. They’ve had people leave with their uterus, tonsils, appendixes and ear wax. “I think it’s unusual that someone would want a foot, but it’s within their rights because it’s theirs.” I wish I had known that when I was circumcised.

After a friend picked up the bucket at a hardware store, Ezekiel added several objects as well as the severed foot – including a porcelain horse and continued to make what he called “a collage of myself.” He also cut off two of his toes, saying he was considering giving them to friends about to be married. The police return to foot to him after taking him to the hospital, where he signed a release allowing the cops to see his medical records. Aha! See the police illegally checked his private medical records. Did they think cutting off ones left foot was a new Osama Bin Laden plan to destroy the United States? If that isn’t abuse of the Patriot Act…you don’t like chicken on Sunday.

May Ezekiel enjoy his one legged life until he’s committed to a mental home and given a frontal lobotomy. But, then he can keep the lobe in his bucket along with his foot.