DON'T DRINK AND PUSH!

The United States is the most litigious country in the world. Many of the law suits filed are nonsensical and shouldn’t see the light of day. Money grubbing lawyers are blamed for most of the problem. The U.S. Senate, made up mainly of money grubbing, failed lawyers, is constantly trying to pass laws to restrict these frivolous law suits and the money damages that are awarded. These political hacks aren’t doing it out of any sense of justice…they’re doing it to protect big business who contribute large sums to their re-election campaigns.

Of course, many publicity hungry litigants file stupid nuisance suits against: Wendy’s, Big Mac, Starbucks and other seemingly vulnerable business. “My coffee was too hot and burnt my lips off. I can no longer yodel.” “Eating at MacDonald’s every day for thirty years has turned me into a fat slob. Pass the French fries.” “I found a human spleen in my Wendy’s chili. It was such a shock that now I have spasms.” The con men and women who try to extort money from legitimate businesses should be locked in a room and forced to listen to Fabian records until their skulls implode.

Along with the desire to get rid of silly, fake law suits, how about getting after law enforcement agencies and prosecutors who charge innocent people with crimes that Judge Judy would throw out of her court. They are abusing their power and wasting the time of judges, juries and Court TV. They obviously don’t think hauling someone into court on some idiotic charge is a big deal. Well, let me tell you it is. It’s also nerve wracking, expensive and ruins your reputation. I was falsely charged on one of my many trips to Latvia with the crime of sodomy….and I was alone!

The latest outrage committed by the police occurred in Portage, Indiana. You may never have heard of Portage, Indiana. You are not alone, the people in Portage, Indiana have never heard of Portage, Indiana. Anyway, the police are charging two young women with drunk driving. It seems the two women took turns steering a broken-down vehicle – well, actually, one of the girls was pushing the disabled car while the other steered from the passenger seat into a parking lot at a nearby motel. While pushing and steering the old car they accidentally crashed into a parked car. Not hard – they barely touched it. However, police were called and found that both women had blood-alcohol levels more than twice the state’s legal limit to drive. Hold on, Buckaroo……

These two women weren’t driving the car. The car’s engine wasn’t working. They were arrested for pushing and steering the car and charged with DUI: Driving under the influence of alcohol. Forget activist courts – how about activist cops and prosecutors? At worse they will be found guilty of drunken pushing! Talk about a waste of a court’s time? The prosecutor acknowledged the charges could be difficult to prosecute in court. Duh! “The statute and case law supports (a DUI charge)…but it will be interesting to see,” said Deputy Prosecutor Adam Burroughs, who authorized the charges.

Burroughs said his office had prosecuted drunken drivers who were stopped in restaurant drive-through lines or who were on private property. Adam, you’re a moron – that’s not the same. These two women were just pushing a car – which ain’t illegal in the good, old U.S. of A. “Bicycles and motorized wheelchairs are about the only vehicles in which a person is unlikely to face a drunken-driving charge,” he said. Charging these two women for being too drunk to push is like arresting Dean Martin while performing for being too drunk to sing.

Lesson to be learned: Adam Burroughs is so dumb he’ll probably wind up in Congress. Wouldn’t you love to see some loudmouth, mean lawyer like Nancy Grace be the attorney for these women? Let’s drink to it.