As another public service The Ranting Old Geezer has done an exhaustive study on how “boomers” can retire wealthy. He has talked to many experts about the subject, including: “Paul, Herman, Sheila and Buck.”

Sheila is the author of the best seller, “Unmotivated Giggling in Caribou.” With the enormous success of that book and the movie that was made from it starring the late Sir John Gielgud and Carmen Miranda, she was able to retire and join the ranks of The Rich and Idle.

Herman, now living on a Caribbean island with his bevy of handmaidens, made his millions by cheating the IRS and thousands of innocent senior citizens out of their life’s savings. He posed as Jesse Jackson.

Paul, retired to his Chalet in Austria where he is currently writing his biography, “It was probably the veal-parmigian incident. But, what was it doing in my wallet?”

Buck, as everyone knows, retired with 40 million dollars. Of course he started out with 56 billion dollars. His downfall was when he took his chain of Tallis Shops public. When not making speeches to Wall Street investors, Buck tends to his yolk of oxen.

Do you dream about retiring rich and happy? Are you the type who believes that you can never have too much money or earmuffs? According to my experts the solution is right in front of you. Retiring filthy rich is a simple as passing a chicken without tipping your hat. Here are the few simple rules to follow:

* Come from a wealthy family.
* Marry a very, very rich husband or wife.
* Never buy stocks from a man who wears spats named, “Frenchy.”
* When robbing a bank make sure you have a large machine gun and
don’t wear pajamas.
*Cheating on your taxes is a tried and true method. However, if you
do cheat don’t send in your return signed, “Guess Who?”
*Become a televangelist and you will be rolling in tax free dough and
bad, ill-fitting clothes.

As you can see retiring with mucho moola isn’t that tough. It requires stealth, luck, sticktoitness, and a crooked immoral soul. A few Hos working for you on the street couldn’t hurt, either.