A GIFT FOR THE AGES.
Aren’t you tired of getting useless gifts for birthdays? 21 pairs of stripped pajamas when you sleep in the nude? A subscription to Golf Digest when you’re a bowler? A set of cuff links when you have no arms? The point being, family and friends always buy lame, retarded gifts that none of us can use or want. Why don’t they ask what we’d like? The wildest gift I’ve heard of was given to this guy in Danbury, Conn. He was suffering from Alzheimer’s and kept insisting he wanted to be circumcised – again and again. To satisfy his compulsion his family bought him a Deli meat slicing machine.
I have been recipient of some really awful gifts, myself. What was I supposed to do with a signed, first edition of the book, “My Mother’s Gums”? It was written by Norman Needleman who also wrote “The Who’s Who of Huguenots” which sold three…no, two copies on Amazon. Rest easy: The Geezer has the solution to this problem of worthless crap.
Next time a friend asks,” What your neck size is?” Tell him to piss off – that you know what you want. For Sale: the world’s smallest country with its own flag, stamps, currency and passports. Now, that’s a gift! All they have to do is apply to Prince Paddy of ‘Sealand’ even if the country is just a wartime fort perched on two concrete towers in the North Sea. Built in World War Two as an anti-aircraft base to repel German bombers, the derelict platform was taken over 40-years ago by retired Army major Paddy Roy Bates. He declared the platform the principality of Sealand. Prince Paddy adopted a flag, minted silver and gold coins and chose a national anthem – “I Feel Pretty.” His claim of sovereignty has been upheld by British courts.
The asking price for this fabulous ‘gift’ is a mere $975 million. Don’t be shy, when asked what you want for your next birthday tell one and all – “Sealand.” It’s a lot better than a lousy pair of galoshes.
I have been recipient of some really awful gifts, myself. What was I supposed to do with a signed, first edition of the book, “My Mother’s Gums”? It was written by Norman Needleman who also wrote “The Who’s Who of Huguenots” which sold three…no, two copies on Amazon. Rest easy: The Geezer has the solution to this problem of worthless crap.
Next time a friend asks,” What your neck size is?” Tell him to piss off – that you know what you want. For Sale: the world’s smallest country with its own flag, stamps, currency and passports. Now, that’s a gift! All they have to do is apply to Prince Paddy of ‘Sealand’ even if the country is just a wartime fort perched on two concrete towers in the North Sea. Built in World War Two as an anti-aircraft base to repel German bombers, the derelict platform was taken over 40-years ago by retired Army major Paddy Roy Bates. He declared the platform the principality of Sealand. Prince Paddy adopted a flag, minted silver and gold coins and chose a national anthem – “I Feel Pretty.” His claim of sovereignty has been upheld by British courts.
The asking price for this fabulous ‘gift’ is a mere $975 million. Don’t be shy, when asked what you want for your next birthday tell one and all – “Sealand.” It’s a lot better than a lousy pair of galoshes.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 9:21 AM
