STOP SPOILING THE KIDS.

It’s obvious that the United States is going to hell in a hand basket – whatever the hell that means? However, it’s undeniable that we are getting soft. We’ve become a spoiled society – people want and expect things for nothing. No one seems willing to work hard for an honest – or dishonest – days pay. The only thing that interests them is money. How much can I accumulate? How much can I spend and show off with? “God, I hope I don’t step in dog shit with my $500 pair of Prada sneakers.”

After much study, I have found the reason for all that flaccidness – it all started with the lack of worship of the lava lamp. If that wasn’t bad enough – how many people do you know that have Chia pets in their homes? ‘Nough said?

As an example: The Old Geezer never complained when, as a kid in Brooklyn, I had to walk 5 miles every day barefoot through snow drifts accompanied by my faithful wolfhound, Yetta…to get to Samuel J. Tilden High School -- our little red schoolhouse -- along with eight thousand other frost-bitten schmucks. We didn’t kvetch about our hardship – we just did it. If it was good enough for old Abe Lincoln it was good enough for Yetta’s master. My generation was made up of rugged individualists. We asked nothing from nobody…we took no prisoners. The only “spoiled” we knew about was 2 week old tuna fish.

Be honest – how many kids today walk barefoot anyplace except maybe to the refrigerator? We have created generations of shallow, bitchy, soft boys and girls who haven’t a clue what real life is about. They are given and handed everything they want instead of being asked to work for it. Is it any wonder that youngsters today have jumped into the “ME” generation with both expensively clad tootsies?

Unless fathers, mothers and grandparents mend their ways – society can look forward to more and more Paris Hiltons polluting our country. Let’s end this “nothing is too good for my child” nonsense. There’s plenty too good for the little bastard. Did you know that some parents are now willing to fork over $30,440.00 for pre-school so their 4-year old can occupy a few hours each day playing with blocks and finger painting in an organized setting? That doesn’t include messing around in a sandbox – that’s extra.
The over 30-thou is the price of admission at New York’s Ethical Culture Fieldston School. Other private pre-schools aren’t much better.
Tuitions to these pre-schools have been rising at an 8% clip across the board. That’s more than the annual tuition increase at Ivy League colleges. Have we lost our minds? One of these rip-offs just built a new gymnasium, library and multimedia center for its spoiled tots. Pre-school can cost more than studying for an engineering degree at Michigan. If you think that parents pouring fortunes at these pre-schools is justified and okay – then consider the “little genius” at one of them, who went fishing in the classroom fish tank.

Each year fathers and mothers wait anxiously – their checkbooks at the ready – to pay these exorbitant fees so that their kids who need two-weeks notice to stop peeing on their shoes – can have milk and designer cookies with other brats. Ridiculous! Let ‘em walk five miles barefoot in the snow like honest Abe and I did. I’ll even lend them “Yetta,” for a small donation to the Old Geezer building fund.

NO, YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!

Being an old cocker, the Geezer takes his homburg and hair off to companies like “ Yes You Can.” Their whole purpose is to encourage senior citizens that they are still alive…that they can live positive and productive lives while the company makes mucho dinero. They air commercials where seniors seem to have fun wheeling around in motorized machines while dribbling out of their mouths and wearing diapers. They promise that seniors are helped with these new contraptions that make old age pleasurable and fun. In my opinion that is all bullshit. Old age sucks!

I want to see companies called, “No You Can’t!” And, “Forget About It!” stand up and be heard. Tell the truth – do you want to spend your so-called ‘golden years’ depending on motorized vehicles to allow to you to pee and shit without doing it in your underwear? Let’s face it – when our bodies begin to shut down or defy human inevitability we should be honest? I don’t want to have to depend on a low-rider with racing stripes to help me get my gruel in the morning. If the most important thing in life is to find out which “early-bird specials” are the best buy that day – take your false teeth out, put them in backwards and bite your own throat. I hope this Blog doesn’t sound bitter – it’s not meant to be. Too much is made of ‘the golden years’ – if they are so great how come all old men and women smell like mice? Don’t believe me? Smell ‘em.

The Geezer tries to tell it like it is. Once you are old enough to collect social security here’s what awaits you, bucko. You start having aches and pains in places you never knew you had before. Your body creeks and moans like an old shack in a wind-storm. Farting is about the only exercise you can do well. More importantly, do not believe all the lies about how great sex is in your senior days. Firstly, if a man can get an erection it usually lasts as long as it takes him to take off his underwear. Be honest, guys, if your lady is horny, rips off her clothes and stands before you naked – does the sight of her body, which often looks like an elephant’s ass, turn you on? Ladies: does a flaccid, wet noodle hanging from your man’s crotch excite you? Can you ever see it? Honesty is the best policy – getting old is the pits. It’s not worth getting a ‘senior discount’ at a movie that you don’t want to see, anyway.

There is only one solution as I see it. Wait! Let me put on my bifocals. Ahhhhhh, that’s better. No, it’s not. Early dementia is the best remedy to old age. That way we can think and act like we are teenagers and at least can look forward to pimples and acne.

Fuck it. Where? Who? How?

NO SPEAKA DA ENGLISH.....

One of the bedrocks of our Democracy is freedom of speech, religion and not having to watch Fox News. When our forefathers and foremothers decided to break with the redcoats it wasn’t just because most of them disliked doing the gavotte and wearing buckles on their shoes...it was because they wanted to be able to speak their minds without some lousy bum beating their heads in with a mutton chop.

For the life of me I cannot understand the actions of all the Americans who got pissed off and protested when Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – try saying that 3 times fast - was invited to speak at Columbia University while on a trip to the United Nations. What the hell could that Iranian midget say that would upset so many citizens? We’re supposed to encourage free speech not prevent it. Dictators and despots don’t allow people to speak their minds…not the U.S. of A. Why the big hullabaloo?

Could it be that compared to George W. Bush – who always sounds like he’s trying to say, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 3 times fast – the Iranian thug is able to speak clearly and intelligently? Who cares what he says, most of it is a bunch of crap, anyway. I think the protestors have an inferiority complex because our President never learned to speak English and has difficulty putting two sentences together without stammering and putting his audience to sleep. Sadly, Ahmadinejad unlike Bush, can actually talk and not sound like a chipmunk. It’s a sad state of affairs when we feel like we have to silence someone who doesn’t own a necktie or razor.

Maybe we should insist that our politicians running for office be able to prove that they can speak without the rest of us giggling. What a concept. Imagine, smart politicians? Nah, no one would ever run for office.