THERE IS HOPE!

I REALIZE THE OLD GEEZER HAS BEEN MISSING IN ACTION FOR A WHILE. I'VE HAD LOTS OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO DURING THE RECENT ELECTION. I WAS HIRED TO GIVE SARAH PALIN GEOGRAPHY LESSONS WHICH WORKED OUT SWELL. BUT NOW I'M BACK AND RARING TO GO.

SINCE WE ARE A COUNTRY OF 'WINERS' ACCORDING TO SOME - I'M HAPPY TO REPORT THAT SOME CREATIVE, ENTREPENEURS ARE STILL ALIVE AND KICKING. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL HAS AUTHORIZED THE USE OF TEAM LOGOS ON A LINE OF FUNERAL CASKETS FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO CARRY THEIR 'FANDOM' UNTO ETERNITY. MODLES FOR THE YANKEES (REPLETE WITH INTERIOR PINSTRIPES) WENT ON SALE RECENTLY. THE CASKETS GLEAM IN CREAM-COLORED 18-GAUGE STEEL, WITH THE TEAM LOGOS EMBOSSED ON BOTH THE OPEN LID LINING AND THE LOVED ONES HEAD PILLOW. I SUSPECT FOR A FEW EXTRA SHECKLES THE BODY CAN BURIED IN SPIKES,A BAT AND A TRAVEL UNIFORM. IT IS RUMORED THAT SOME 'STIFFS' CAN PURCHASE DIRT FROM MANY DEFUNCT STADIUMS OF THE METS AND YANKEES TO BURNISH THE HAPPY OCCASION. "YOU KNOW TOSS INFIELD DIRT ON THE CASKET OR BODY AS A SEND-OFF." IN THE CASE OF A BROOKLY DODGER FAN THE BEST THEY CAN DO IS SNEAK INTO ONE OF THE EBBETS FIELD APARTMENTS AND GRAB SOME DUST BUNNIES.

THE ULTIMATE FORM OF SKY BOX CAN BE USED IN MANY WAYS. FOR INSTANCE: STRIPEPRS AND POLE DANCERS CAN HAVE DOLLAR BILLS STUCK IN THEIR G-STRINGS; CHEFS CAN HAVE SOFT BOILED EGGS SMEARED ON THEIR FACES; SHE SALESMAN WOULD FIND THEMSELVES SURROUNDED BY HUSHPUPPIES; AND THE BEAT GOES ON.

I THINK THIS WILL BECOME THE HOTTEST INDUSTRY IN YEARS. FOR THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO COMPLAIN THAT THEIR INFIRM FATHER OR MOTHER IS "DRIVING THEM TO THEIR GRAVES" - A CHAUFFERS CAP AND LUG WRENCH CAN BE PROVIDED.