WASHINGTON AIN'T FUNNY!

For anyone fortunate enough not to watch this year’s Washington Correspondences Dinner bless your lucky stars. Each year Washington insiders and reporters dress up in tuxes and gowns – in Barney Frank’s case it’s usually a gown – and mingle, have a lousy dinner and listen to the President being roasted by a comedy personality. The President then usually stands up and screws up a few jokes written for him and everyone goes home full of gas and thankful that the evening is over.

Most Presidents are not known for their humor. (They’re also not known for their smart policies but that’s a different tune.) Dick Nixon liked to charm people with his collection of ‘knock-knock-jokes’, and George W. Bush is well known for his dialect stories – which is why no one understands a fucking word he says. There are exceptions; of course, Bill Clinton did some funny things with a cigar.

Last year Richard Colbert was invited to ‘roast’ the Prez and apparently did too good a job and was criticized for being ‘too rough’ on George W. So, this year they decided to invite someone who wouldn’t offend anyone. A ‘comedian’ that was as bland as Laura Bush. Enter: Rich Little. Who? Rich Little. Most Americans don’t remember him. He used to perform on the Ed Sullivan show playing second fiddle to Topo Gigio and other biggies. Mr. Little does impersonations – a legitimate talent – for anyone over 98-years old. Impersonators are about as popular today as Bulgarian accordion players.

Rich Little showed up in a nice rented tux and his hair dyed with auburn hair polish. His hair looked as phony as Sam Donaldson’s. When introduced, he started telling jokes that went over like an Ann Coulter fart. There was total silence as poor Rich bravely forged ahead with his collection from Captain Willy’s Whiz Bang joke book. The poor, brave guy died a horrible death. There hasn’t been a bomb like this since Alberto Gonzales’ appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee. This could be the end of this yearly out-of-fashion dinner. It doesn’t work.

But, should they decide to try again, I nominate a comedian who is equally inoffensive and bland but at least is funny. Norm Crosby will do his malapropisms and Bush will be the only one in the room who understands him.

LET THEM EARN THEIR MONEY!

LET ‘EM EARN THEIR MONEY!

FACTS:

Every U.S. Congressperson earns $165.200 a year. Each Senator is paid $168.500 per year. (Their leaders earn even more.) These politicians, also, gave themselves a 10% raise for the past 9-years. Unless there is a national emergency or crises, members of the House work, on average, 3 days a week. The other days are used for raising reelection contributions and enjoying special interest perks. Speaker Pelosi promised that the new congress would work five-day weeks under her leadership. That promise lasted as long as the popularity of the lava lamp. On average, Senators work, maybe, 4 days a week. Do you wonder why nothing gets done in Washington? Let’s recap: $165.200 for 3-days of work a week and $168.500 for 4-days a week works out to: 52 divided by 3, carry the 7, multiplied by 9 comes to…..TAXPAYERS BEING RIPPED OFF!

Obviously these politicians are grossly overpaid underachievers for the amount of time they spend at their jobs. The only solution is to stop paying them their salaries and make them work for minimum wage. That would, at least, force them put in full days - 7 days a week. Oh, they’d scream and kvetch that it’d be unfair and ridiculous to expect them work for that little money…that they couldn’t support their families. Tell that to the tens of millions of Americans who have to do it every day, Bucko. If Congress was forced to work for $7.00 an hour you’d see how fast it’d pass meaningful Minimum Wage legislation which they’ve refused to do for years. If members of Congress and Senators don’t start earning their salaries and doing the People’s business – we can take a page from corporate America and outsource their jobs to Mexico, China and India. Nothing would still get done but at least we’d save lots of loot.