BEWARE OF ANYONE NAMED FRENCHY!

SHIT, THE OLD GEEZER LOVES GULLIBLE, STUPID PEOPLE BETTER THAN FINDING OUT A FRIEND’S WIFE IS A DEADRINGER FOR BILL PARCELLS.

THERE IS AN INFOMERCIAL PLAYING THAT DEFIES BELIEF. IT’S FROM SOME SCAM ARTISTS THAT WANT YOU TO SEND THEM YOUR OLD, GOLD JEWELRY – AND THEY PROMISE TO SEND YOU MONEY FOR IT. THEY SWEAR ‘CUSTOMER SATISFACTION.’ THEY EVEN SEND YOU A PRE=PAID PACKAGE TO PUT YOUR GOLD IN AND A SEALED ENVELOPE THAT CAN’T BE OPENED UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A SPARE ATOMIC BOMB. THEY TELL YOU STRAIGHT-FACED THAT YOU CAN TRUST THEM! REALLY?
THE GUYS ON THE INFOMERCIAL ALL WEAR BROWN AND WHITE WING-TIP SHOES AND ARE NAMED ‘FRENCHY.’

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT AMERICANS ARE SO NUMB, AFTER 8-YEARS OF GEORGE BUSH – THAT THEY ACTUALLY WILL SEND STRANGERS THEIR GOLD IN HOPES THAT THEY WILL BE TREATED HONESTLY? SHOULDN’T THEY BE A TAD SUSPICIOUS WHEN THE ADDRESS YOU SEND YOUR VAULABLES TO IS A POST OFFICE BOX IN SITKA, ALASKA?

TO ‘PROVE’ THAT THEY ARE HONEST AS THE DAY IS SHORT THEY HAVE A “SATISFIED” CUSTOMER TALK ON CAMERA. THIS OLD LADY IS LEGALLY BLIND AND HAD HER BACK TO THE CAMERA. “I NEVER KNEW MY JEWELRY WAS WOITH SO MUCH MOOLA.” I DON’T THINK SO…SHE WAS WEARING BROWN AND WHITE SHOES, ALSO.

DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT, I’VE EMPTIED MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX OUT OF ALL MY BARMITZVAH VALUABLES AND HAVE MAILED THEM TO ‘FRENCHY.’ CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH THEY SEND BACK. IF IT’S WORTH THE PRICE OF A POSTAGE STAMP I’LL CONSIDER MYSELF A WINNER.

IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS FALLEN FOR THIS SCAM – TAKE THEM OFF YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST.

DON'T FLY!!!!

AIRLINES ARE AT THE BREAKING POINT. THEY ARE CLOSING FASTER THAN A HOOKER’S LEGS WHO YOU TRY TO PAY WITH MONOPOLY MONEY.

WITH THE UNBELIEVABLY HIGH PRICE OF FUEL – GOD, BLESS OPEC – MAY THEY ALL INHERIT HOTELS WITH THOUSANDS OF ROOMS AND BE FOUND DEAD IN EACH OF THEM – AIRLINES HAVE BECOME THE LEAST ATTRACTIVE WAY OF TRAVEL. PERSONALLY, I’M BUYING ROLLER SKATES….MINE WILL NEED CURB FEELERS!

THE PERCENTAGE OF LOST BAGGAGE IS NOW HIGHER THAN SOME OF THE JUDGES ON ‘AMERICAN IDOL,’ FLIGHTS ARE CANCELLED WITHOUT WARNING; DEPARTURES AND AARIVALS ARE USUALLY A CHANCY THING; THEY HAVE PACKED PASSENGERS IN SO CLOSELY THAT INSTEAD OF EMERGENCY FLOATS THEY OFFER CONDOMS. THE SEATS ARE SO NARROW THAT PEOPLE ARE SITTING ON EACH OTHER’S LAPS – WHAT USED TO BE CALLED MEALS – BUT IN REALITY WERE VOMIT BAG CONTENTS – HAVE BEEN DISCONTINUED.

NOW THE AIR CARRIERS ARE GOING TO START CHARGING FOR CHECKED BAGGAGE. NOT EXTRA BAGGAGE – JUST THE ONE BAG PASSENGERS WERE ALWAYS ALLOWED TO CHECK FREE. THEY ARE NOW THREATENING TO CHARGE OVERWEIGHT PASSENGERS MONEY PENALTIES FOR THEIR ROLLS OF FAT. WEIGHT WATCHER REJECTS AND JENNY CRAIG DROP-OUTS WILL HAVE TO MORTGAGE THEIR HOMES IN ORDER TO GET ON A FLIGHT. WITH ALL THESE INSULTS AND ABUSES – WHY WOULD ANY SANE PERSON FLY?

THERE IS ONE ANSWER TO THIS GROWING PROBLEM. BRING BACK PROP PLANES. THEY USE LESS FUEL AND WHEN THEY WERE IN SERVICE THE STEWARDESS’ WERE SEXY AND YOUNG. SURE IT WILL TAKE A LITTLE LONGER TO ARRIVE IN CLEVELAND – BUT WHAT THE HELL IS THE HURRY, ANYWAY?