WAR IS DANGEROUS.

War used to be a serious business involving Hessians, Visigoths and other hairy nogoodnicks. The problem is that there have always been wars – man seems to have a need to conquer and defeat other people or countries.

War is too easy to conduct. All it takes is lots of money to equip armies, wussy legislators who allow macho and misguided leaders to attack others they consider enemies or unfriendly. I predict that the N.Y. Yankees will invade the Boston Red Sox next year. You heard it here first.

To prove that war has become commonplace there are reports that Switzerland – the only avowedly neutral country – invaded neighboring Liechtenstein. Liechtenstein!? Obviously Switzerland has been watching too many episodes of 24 and decided to become a world military power. Let’s review this: Switzerland’s army – it has no Navy except for 7 chorus boys in a gay bar in Zurich – consists of 170 swiss-cheese makers and 98 yodelers. Not a particularly formidable force. The Swiss air force is non-existent unless you count two crop dusters and one remote controlled bi-plane. Why in hell did a Country of lederhosen wearing watch makers decide to invade a neighbor? Was Dick Cheney advising them?

Turns out that what began as a routine training exercise almost turned out to be serious diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein. According to Swiss authorities, 170 infantry soldiers wandered 1.2 miles across an unmarked border into the tiny principality. Perhaps the Swiss motorized mule teams got confused but when the Swiss realized their mistake and turned back. They retreated.

Their mistaken invasion was defeated by Liechtenstein’s non-army. Without firing a shot or finger snap the principality won this war. Let this be a lesson to any puffed-up country and military to watch whose border they decide to attack. Don’t make war – go on Dr. Phil and talk it out.